My Agony of Yours
by Cheshire's Chipped Cup
Summary: Buffy and Spike are the worst kids in high school, violent, dangerous, and hated enemies. But when Buffy shows up on Spike's doorstep thirteen months after graduation, begging for help, will they be able to be in each other's lives without the violence?
1. This Is My World

**This is the story that has held up all my other stories, sorry, but this means a lot to me. It took me a long time to write so it better be bloody damn good. Because I've put this up, it does mean that one of my other three stories in need of updating is going to suffer, can't say which one, but I am trying to update as quickly as I can...but I just got into 2nd semester of year 10, homework is such a killjoy.**

They could be heard throughout half the school, and from everywhere more and more students were cautiously gathering around in the school yard. A circle of equally excited and scared kids were watching as two class mates fought tooth and claw with each other. One of them swung their arm around while the other one ducked, then bounced back up and connected with their block.

"Go Spike! Teach the bitch a lesson!" One of the older boys cheered; he wasn't the only one.

"Get him girl! Show him what you're made of!" A few of the girls screamed from the other side of the ring.

"Punch her!"

"Claw him!"

"Hit her in the face!"

"Kick him in the-"

"ENOUGH!" All eyes turned to the principal who looked like he was about to explode.

The two people that had been fighting in the centre of the circle eventually threw each other away and began to dust themselves off, ignoring the furious looks from the principal.

"So, you two heard the bell for lunch and just couldn't help yourselves...William Rayne and Elizabeth Summers, TO MY OFFICE NOW!" He yelled at the top of his lungs even though the whole yard was silent.

The two students held their heads high, walking proudly out of the ring and into the school building. Principal Snyder glared angrily at the rest of the students before following his two most hated students to his office.

**- The Principal's Office**

The door closed with a loud thud, but neither one of the kids was scared, shocked or at all surprised. The boy was fidgeting with his Zippo lighter and the girl was holding up a pocket mirror, trying her best to fix her tangled golden hair. Snyder was only enraged more so by their lack of any sort of reaction to his authority. He stormed through his little office and sat down in his seat, the back towering above the short man's balding head. He waited for the two sitting contently in front of him to look his way, but, just like every time this happened, he had to slam his fists down on his desk and even then all he got were two lazy glances.

"This needs to end. This _has_ to end! I don't care what silly little issues you have with each other, fighting in the school yard, setting things on fire, food fights in the lunchroom with vegetable soup on the same day 3 weeks in a row...and violating a school building. You have scared off four P.E. teachers, frightened away at least ten students and traumatised more than 50% of the school's staff! Your behaviour is despicable! Outrageous! There is nothing that would give me more pleasure than to expel the both of you! But your families' generous donations are what keep the school going so I can't do that. This is your last year of high school, so, for everyone's sake, stop this ridiculous battle long enough for your class mates to leave this school in one piece."

Snyder looked like he was going to choke them both to death, like he would kill them right there if either of them dared to breathe. After a long time of sitting in his presence without the slightest ounce of being even a little shaken up, Snyder dismissed them both. No one had ever walked out of Snyder's office so calmly before, no one left his office without calling him a goblin for one reason or another. He waited for the door to close before he slammed his head down on his desk, thankful that he had left a thick book with soft pages there to stop him from doing himself an injury. _'If those two don't kill each other before Graduation, I think I'll lend them a hand. Those kids are driving me insane!' _He thought bitterly.

**- School Corridor**

The two mortal enemies were completely silent as they walked side by side, equally beside one another, not daring to give the other the chance to clip them from behind. They didn't dare make eye contact, but if one were watching their struggled steps and forced silence, they would cringe at the level of complete and utter hatred between them. Anyone could see the loathing and disgust they held for each other, like two vicious wolves tearing each other apart.

Out of the blue, one of them decided to speak after what felt like hours of silence. "So, was that a draw? Or do you want to finish what we started?" The boy showed pride in his snarl-like smirk.

The girl glared scathingly at him, wishing that she could mentally force him to have a fatal heart-attack.

"Ooh, if only looks could kill, huh Lizzy?"

"Stop calling me that stupid name!" She yelled suddenly.

He grinned in triumph, having made her speak. "But it's your name, _Lizzy_! Or do you prefer 'Beth'? Doesn't matter what I call you, you're still the ugliest bitch on the planet." He laughed at her flaming eyes.

"My name is BUFFY! You jerk!" She spat in his face and watched with mild satisfaction as he wiped it away with a look that would scare the devil himself.

"Wow, Betty, that was pretty harsh, you might wanna take that back bitch!"

She punched his jaw sharply and sent him hurdling into the wall, almost smiling as he stepped back holding his head where it had smacked into the brick. He quickly regained his balance and sent his fist flying across her face, slamming her into a set of lockers where she bruised her forehead on a padlock. She turned back to him with a piercing stare that seemed to slice right through his very soul. They both stood still for a long time, wishing the other was dead. But after no one made a move, they slowly walked off in separate directions.

Spike grinded his teeth, fighting the pain that was coming from every inch of his body. He walked over to one of the art rooms that was dark enough inside to create a mirror against the light in the hall. He inspected the damage that bitch had done to him as closely as he could with his bruised vision. He had a black-eye, a badly bruised jaw and a clean slicing cut over his left eye, scarring his eyebrow, where she had slashed him with her nails. She was a bloody animal in a fight, he knew no one that could be as sadistic as she could be when it came to him. She could actually be a really sweet person, just not when he was around.

He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw tensely as the familiar bile turned his stomach. It was eating him up inside, the hate he felt for her; it was beyond all other levels. He couldn't even remember the reason why...why it all started, what had gone so very wrong to turn them into such dark and twisted creatures. Alone, they were polite, caring, and respectful and above all, compassionate. But every time they saw each other it was like the dawning of an apocalypse.

Spike looked into his eyes reflected in the glass, he had never read any book or poem that could even begin to describe the demon he saw inside those beautiful, youthful eyes. His eyes were a gorgeous colour, so blue that even the clearest of summer skies would envy him. They had once been soft and bright with a star in the corner, but the beast inside had turned them hard, cold and merciless. He could say he didn't care, but the truth was that whatever it was that had filled him with so much darkness and hatred scared him more than anything else in the world. He hated it more than he hated her, he was terrified of it, and it was living inside him.

**- Girl's Bathroom**

On the other side of the school, hidden away in the girl's bathroom, Buffy also stared curiously at her own reflection. Her emerald eyes stung with unshed tears; hollow, hateful drops of sin. Her left cheek bore a large bruise that had already grown purple, her lip was split in two places and the mark on her forehead was messing with her train of thought. Looking down at her hands she sucked in a sharp breath. Fresh blood tainted her manicured nails, most likely his blood; her knuckles were worn and red and her cobalt veins pulsed under the sore skin.

Her eyes locked on the figure in the mirror, the one staring back at her. She never blinked as she examined her face, her lips, her eyes, and she couldn't help but wonder, _'who is she?'_ She didn't know. It wasn't her, it was someone else that just looked similar to her...no, there was nothing in those trembling lips and stormy eyes that looked anything like her anymore.

"Who are you?" She questioned the stranger quietly, wishing that she would answer.

How was it that one person could take away so much? Take away herself? She tried harder, she looked deeper into those tired eyes, but the girl in the mirror showed nothing of the girl she was inside; deep inside underneath the darkness. Darkness, it was something she couldn't escape, more than anything she wanted to leave this life and become someone else...she wanted to be anyone but the girl in the mirror.

She prayed for the day he would die, the day all this would end. It was almost impossible to believe that such a beautiful, petite, young girl carried so much sickness inside her gentle heart. Before she had met him she had never hurt a thing, she had never hit anyone in her life and she was far from confident in any true way. But once she threw her first punch, once he pushed her that bit too far, everything had suddenly changed. She was now the most feared girl in the school, no one ever thought of messing with her anymore. Because of her daily battle with him, the normal high school dramas were over-looked or simply didn't happen. All the kids were too afraid to step out of their shells, afraid of ever becoming a problem to either of them.

Buffy heard the door open slowly and listened to the gentle tip-tap of heelless shoes on the cold bathroom tiles. When she heard a small voice call her name, she whispered back gently, afraid that if she spoke any louder, her tears would fall.

Willow, a young, very bright, redheaded girl, cautiously approached her best friend. Today's fight had not been the first, but had been by far the worst. Willow walked close and placed her handbag on the sink, she brushed her flaming hair over one shoulder and looked down at her friend with worry. She ever so slowly lifted her hand up to Buffy's face and gently stroked her soft fingers across the marked skin, apologising when Buffy winced. She looked down momentarily, before taking a deep, steadying breathe and holding Buffy's chin carefully. She slowly pulled a little so that she could see her friend's injuries properly before opening her handbag and setting out certain items down on the edge of the sink.

Buffy didn't make a sound as Willow wiped away the now dry blood from her skin, her hands, she never stopped staring into the eyes of the girl in the mirror. Once the cuts and marks were clean and disinfected, they were tended to, a bandage over her left hand, a bandaid around the other. After that was done, Willow began trying to cover up Buffy's face with foundation, a hint of blush and peach-coloured lipstick. During this entire session, Buffy didn't move a muscle, and every silent second only encouraged the fear in Willow's heart.

She held Buffy's hands in her own and tried not to cry. "I think you cut him pretty good, that's gonna scar for sure." She tried to sound casual.

Buffy didn't respond, but she did relax a little, just a little less tense, but that was enough for Willow.

"Buffy, you can't keep going on like this, please stop this. You're going to get hurt and end up in the hospital if you don't."

Buffy cringed, she had been to the hospital before, many times, but she didn't want her friend to worry anymore than she already did so she hadn't told her.

"Please Buffy, I love you, you're my best friend. I hate seeing you this way, you never smile anymore, you never laugh...this isn't you; this has to stop before somebody ends up dead!" She pleaded.

Buffy thought for a moment, Willow was right, this wasn't her. She didn't want to fight anymore either, she didn't want to hate somebody this bad; she didn't want to die. But there was nothing she could do, he wouldn't leave her alone, he wouldn't let her rest; there was no end to this. They haunted each other, in their dreams, their thoughts; they were like ghosts clinging desperately to one thread of a life they no longer owned. There was something between them that kept them coming back, it was like a power drawing them together, only when they arrived at the end of the string, violence and destruction ensued.

Willow talked quietly to Buffy for a while, nothing special, just insignificant stories about people and places; anything to get her mind off him.

By the time the two girls left the bathroom, the bell for the end of lunch had sounded, echoing through the corridors of the school like a beckoning siren too old to work its magic. Willow guided her fatigued friend to the hall where their lockers resided, but once they stepped around the corner they wished they had stayed in the bathroom. Coming around the corner at the other end of the corridor were a set of pale blue eyes that turned dark once set on the green ones opposite them. No sound was made, but somehow it was like a psychic message that travelled through the students' minds; everyone in the corridor froze.

Willow looked to her side at Buffy, standing tall and still, and decided to back up a few paces; as did Spike's best friend, Doyle. The corridor was suddenly alive with panic as students either escaped the hall or took cover between the locker blocks, clearing a path between Spike and Buffy. For the longest time they just stood there staring, speaking their thoughts through the expressions that tweaked each corner of their faces.

One young brunette girl entered the hall, walking carefully as she could not see very well over the pile of books she was carrying. She had no clue of the battle that was threatening to come alive and tear the building apart. Because of the sudden need for shelter, all or most of the students had dropped their books and pencil cases all over the floor, causing pens and pencils to spill over the scarred floorboards. No one had the chance to warn the poor girl before she slipped on a pile of scattered pencils. Her books flew up into the air and she landed face-first on the floor.

A few of the braver students quickly rushed out to help the girl to her feet and get her out of the way of the fight that had begun; the commotion seeming to announce the start of the match like a bell. Spike picked up one of the books by his feet and flung it around at Buffy. She managed to dodge that one but she didn't see the heavy folder that came next. The folder scraped her arm, leaving a barely bleeding scratch with its sharp corner. She cursed loudly, making Spike grin. She charged at him with furious speed and threw him against the lockers. Spike only laughed and grabbed her upper arms tightly. Buffy tried to escape his grip, but she hardly had time to blink before he had flung her around and slammed her full-bodied into the lockers.

She yelped sharply as she slid down to the floor, little ruby crystals rolling down the side of her head. Her eyes widened when she saw his heavy boot come curling around and kick her in the stomach. She fell back down clutching her body and cursing. But she was far from finished. Her eyes shot open as she leapt up, driving her elbow into Spike's gut and throwing a kick to his face. He soared backwards and slammed into the wall. Before he had a chance to react, she picked him up and, using his own weight, she threw him through one of the windows that lined the hall, carrying into the classrooms. Shattered glass cut through the air with a piercing screech, tiny shards wrapping themselves around drops of blood.

Buffy ran over to the door of the classroom and threw it open, causing the glass to crack under the force. She walked in and searched through the darkness for Spike. He was lying on the teacher's desk, breathing heavily; struggling to move. He finally managed to pull himself up onto his elbows and shoot a glare at Buffy; his crimson blood curling through the bleached curls on the side of his head. Wide painful cerulean eyes shot a deathly grimace at her through the shadows.

Without warning, he jumped off the table and pounced on the closest of the many desks, kicking it violently and causing a domino effect throughout the room. The wreckage came crashing towards Buffy, throwing her against the back wall and trapping her there. She screamed, and when Spike heard her sobs coming from her prison, his lips curled into an evil smirk. He waited until she dug her way out of the wreckage, having great difficulty in doing so. Once her eyes were on him, he leapt across the room and enclosed his hand around her neck. The audience of peers gasped in shock, it had gone way too far this time; this had never happened before.

Everyone watched in fear from the corridor, peeking through the windows and crowding in the doorway with Willow at the front of the line. She couldn't let him kill her best friend, but she found she couldn't move. If she tried to get involved she would end up in hospital, possibly in a coma...just like the last person who tried to stop them.

Buffy clutched Spike's arms, trying desperately to pull them off her throat. But he was too strong, and as her body screamed for oxygen, her tears streaked down her face like rain. She looked up into his eyes and had never felt so much fear before in her life, she couldn't see any sign of humanity in those warm-blue eyes anymore; all she could see was the monster.

"Spike...please..." She choked, begging him to let her live.

Darkness began to close in around her and all she could see were his red eyes staring back at her.

**Please review, I really want to know what you thought about this story. Thank you for reading.**


	2. Was It All For Nothing

**I'm going to warn people now, there are references to rape in this story, though I should let you know just incase.  
**

Spike held onto her throat so tightly, all his anger flooding out into a tense strength that was quickly draining the life of the girl in his hands. He heard her tiny whisper and suddenly felt it all fall away. _"Spike...please..."_ He opened his eyes and saw the quivering lips, the terrified tears and the horror in her eyes. He couldn't kill her, he hated her more than anything in the world...but he couldn't kill her, he just couldn't.

He released her and watched as she coughed and gasped sharply at the return of air into her lungs. She held onto him for support as her legs were so weak, and as her head hung low in exhaustion, he held onto her. When she realised that he was willingly holding her up, she froze, and a few seconds later she looked up. She stared questioningly into his eyes, silently asking him why he had let her go.

He froze under her look; she was thanking him for showing her mercy. There was a look of awe on her face, one he had never seen before. All his rage was washed away in that look, and he found himself fearing it. He suddenly dropped her on the floor and dashed out of the room. Once he was gone, Willow hurried to her friend's side to see how badly she was hurt. Buffy's eyes were locked on the spot where Spike had been standing only seconds ago.

"Buffy, are you ok? Oh my god, you're not ok, you're bleeding! We need to get you to the hospital or the infirmary at least"

"Why...?"

"Because you're bleeding!"

"Why did he let me go? He could have killed me right there...why didn't he?"

"Buffy, that doesn't matter right now, your head is bleeding, will you please understand the dangers of head trauma?"

"What? Oh, right ok"

Willow helped Buffy to her feet and hurried her away through the crowd of shocked students and away to the school nurse before she fainted from a loss of blood. Outside the classroom stood Doyle with the rest of the crowd and Willow, being the caring person she was, asked him to check on Spike, if not so much for physical injuries but more for mental state.

During this, Buffy was in a daze and didn't hear any of their conversation, all she could think about was that the one person in all the world that wanted her dead had had the chance and had let her live. Was it because he simply didn't have the killer in him...or was it possibly because, maybe, just maybe, he didn't really hate her as much as she thought; and if he didn't hate her enough to kill her, could the feeling be mutual? Buffy began to feel guilty about her hate, and strangely felt it subside almost completely. For the entire time she was in her daze, she didn't hate William Rayne.

**- School Grounds**

He didn't know where he was going, he just had to run. He was somewhere out in the football field when he finally ran out of energy, tripping over his own feet, he toppled to the dirt. His breathing was coarse, his panic running through his blood like a plague; opening his eyes and making him aware of all the pain his body shuddered to carry. He lifted his hand to his head and pulled out the piece of broken glass he found tucked amongst the gelled curls.

Looking at his hands he found he couldn't move. Dozens of small cuts covered his pale hands and face. He could feel the heat from his blood mixing with his sweat and tears as it slipped thinly down his face. He had imagined killing Buffy before, for years he had fantasised about her death, but after what had happened today he swore he would never touch her again. He could still feel her neck in his hands, hear her small whines and pleads for mercy; he could still see that trembling lip and terrified look in her blazing green eyes. He couldn't do it, he couldn't believe he had tried. She had been so small, so helpless, and the memory of her so defenceless in his hands made his heart ache.

Everything kept spinning, refusing to make sense. He was so shocked at what he had done he began to fear himself. He couldn't move, he couldn't do anything to change what had happened. Suddenly he found himself wanting her forgiveness; he needed her forgiveness, like he wouldn't be able to go on without it. He dropped his head into his hands and groaned, he almost wanted to die.

"Spike? Hey man, what the hell happened back there? It was like you two were possessed...by the devil." Doyle crouched beside his best mate and stared worriedly at him.

"Doyle...?"

"Yeah mate?"

"...is she ok?" Spike asked shakily.

"Is she...?"

"Buffy, is Buffy ok?"

"If you mean, 'has she lost her mind?' then yes! She's walking around like a bloody zombie, she doesn't have a clue what's going on in front of her, got her head stuck on why you let her go. What was that about anyway? You nearly killed her, man!"

"Shut up!" Spike suddenly snapped, covering his hands over his ears, as if trying to block out the whole event.

"Hey, what's that about, mate?"

"Just don't...please don't say that again"

"Spike, man, you're not making sense"

"I tried to kill her! I put my bloody hands around her little neck and tried to choke her to death, Doyle! Don't you get what 'death' means?"

"Whoa, calm down, sure I know what death is. But the point is that you _didn't_ kill her, she's still alive and...not well, but she's alive. Just a few cuts and bruises but all that will fade"

"I hate everything about her, I can't even begin to explain how much I hate the bitch... but I never wanted to take it that far. And it's not like I can apologise, can't use 'I'm sorry', I can't do a bloody thing to change what I did to her. I've probably scarred her for life, she may never recover. Shit, I haven't even thought about her mother yet, she's gonna kill her. I had actually been hoping that we could get over this shit before graduation, not leaving enemies behind and that sort of thing"

"Explain something to me, why and when did you start caring about Buffy Summers? I mean, I've never been for this crap but seriously, you just tried to kill the girl and now of all times you start caring"

"I don't know...maybe I always cared a little, you know, we hate each other and all that but...I wanted her dead...I wanted her in the ground, and I just couldn't do it. God, I don't know, I'm just so screwed up right now"

"You've been screwed up for the past five years, mate, but maybe there is some hope. Last I saw of her she wasn't out for blood, in fact she kept asking why you let her go. I might have just been hearing things but I think I heard her ask if you were ok, but I might have miss-heard something there"

"Really?"

"Oh, cross my heart, so, is there hope?"

"There was never any hope for us, ever since I turned that jerk of a boyfriend on her I crossed a line; that was the first time she hit me. I don't even know why I did that, it was so stupid and childish"

Doyle bent down to pat his friend on the shoulder. "Look mate, you've only got a week left and then none of this will matter anymore"

"It's not that simple, this town is tiny, not a day goes by that I don't see at least four people from school when I'm walking around. We graduate, walk away and then one day meet in the town centre, can't imagine how that will end. I have just gotta get outta here, she's driving me crazy. I hate her so much, but I don't think I ever really meant the things I said; so how the hell did I nearly end up killing her?"

"Sorry, I know as much as you do"

Spike shook his head as he stood up and walked away.

**- Later That Night – Sunnydale Memorial Hospital**

Spike had been walking around all afternoon, not giving a damn about the lecture he was probably going to get from his dad when he got home about skipping class, he was graduating next week, what did he care at this point. He knew that Snyder wouldn't dare keep him back, he wanted both of them as far away from him and the school as possible. Spike had stopped at one point to enter the hospital and get himself fixed up, the nurse who had helped him had insisted he give her his name and details; until an all too familiar doctor spotted him.

"Well, look who decided to come back and visit us, what happened this time?" The young female doctor with sandy hair dismissed the nurse and sat down on the bed next to Spike.

He looked down, clearly guilty, which sparked the curiosity in the young doctor's mind. "Was it you or her that started it?"

Without looking up, Spike spoke quietly. "Always a bit of both, but I'm the one that pushed it this time"

"I can see that"

"Tara? Please don't tell my parents, I skipped last period of school today and I know I'm already gonna get a earful about that"

"I would usually have to tell them, but you are 18 now, so I no longer have to tell your parents when you come in after getting into a fight with the same person every day." She was clearly making fun of him.

"It's not like she's such a perfect little person either"

"What happened?"

"She threw me through a window..."

"What? What did you do after that?"

"...nearly killed her, trapped her against a wall and...it's gonna stop. I'm not doing this anymore, I can't keep fighting with her all the time knowing that it might get to that point again; and next time I might not stop myself"

"I have to say I'm shocked, but not surprised. Do you need help?"

"You've asked me that every time I've come in here, pet, and every time I say no for a reason. If our parents, teachers and friends can't do anything, what makes you think that some professional guy who doesn't know anything about us could do anything?"

"Because sometimes you can tell a stranger things that you could never tell anyone else"

"Won't work, nothing can work...I gotta go, I'm grateful for the fix-up and all but I hate hospitals. Bye Tara"

"I hope I don't see you soon, William"

Spike smiled at her way of telling him to stay out of trouble.

**- Later That Night – Caritas**

Once again Spike walked out onto the darkening streets of the happy little town, if only they really knew how dark it was. Every time Spike saw a happy couple or a group of friends having a great time, he felt something in his heart sting. Because of his war with Buffy, he didn't have many friends; he had Doyle. He didn't have his group of mates who all thought he was cool, the people that followed him around and tried to hook him up with any hot girl standing around just to see what he'd do. He had once been the coolest guy in school, now he was an outcast.

His eyes became shiny with tears, like a mirror that reflected the world he couldn't live in. He had that brutal side of him, the 'Spike' side, but he also had the William side of him too; the one he tried to hide. Spike wanted to be tough and dangerous and exciting, he wanted to be a lone wolf that could fend for himself and didn't need anyone to tell him what to do... but William wanted friends, company. He wanted the kind of friends that could understand how he was feeling when his life became too much to handle, friends who would support him in the decisions he made or even friends that sat next to him in class and prattled on endlessly about how hot the senior girls were. Anything other than fear-stricken glances and back-stabbing comments involving things about him that weren't even true.

Anything to do with Buffy was true, but the other stuff, like how he was in a gang and killed people or that he had once rammed his car through a shop window because he didn't want to pay or something, was all made up. Most of it was fantasy crap, just tall tales that made his image seem scarier. He didn't want that. He didn't care about 'Spike' anymore.

He straightened his leather duster as he walked through the door of the local pub, _Caritas_. He knew the owner, everyone did. His name was Lorne and he was the nicest guy anyone could ever meet in a pub. The place was also a karaoke bar, and every night some sorry sap would hop on stage and sing some song just to get the applause at the end that made their lives just a little bit brighter. The only person Spike had ever seen up there that could actually sing was Lorne himself, no one was better than that guy.

Spike sat himself down on one of the stools at the bar, crossed his arms and laid them on the counter. There were heaps of things he wanted to do, so much he wanted out of this life, but lots of people have dreams; he wasn't any different there. But what can you do when all your dreams are out of your reach because of a few mistakes you made in your teen years that turned into your whole life? What could he do that wouldn't somehow draw back to Buffy in one way or another? She was everywhere, everyone knew them. Good luck getting a job when your boss has inside information about your violent tendencies.

He drew in a deep breath and tried to drive those thoughts from his head as he breathed out slowly. He looked up at the collection of alcohol on the back counter, grinning at all the funny concoctions that Lorne liked to make; he loved making Sea-breezes the most.

Down the counter, Buffy was working hard preparing drinks, trying to keep her mind on anything other than Spike. But it was really hard to pay attention and focus at work when you had a near death-experience earlier that day. Lorne had told her to take the night off after he found out what had happened from his son Doyle, but she had insisted on working; she really needed the money.

She finished the drink she had been making and gave it to the customer, then proceeded to clean the counter on her way over to serve the guy that had just walked in. She wasn't really paying attention and she didn't even look at who it was until she was already standing right in front of him.

"_Shit!_" She whispered.

Spike's head shot up at the sound of her voice. "Buffy?"

She quickly put on a tough, cold attitude. "What do you want now, Spike? Wanna make a fool of me at my work again? Sorry, we're out of bourbon, might have to find something else to pour on my head. But you did that only a month ago, so what could you possibly be planning to do now?"

Spike cringed under her sarcasm, Buffy was always threatening when she started using sarcasm. "I'm not planning anything...for once. I promise, I'm not interested tonight"

"Oh really? Why should I believe you? You can't keep a promise even if your life depended on it"

The fear that crossed her face at the mention of life and death did not go unnoticed. "What promises have I ever made to you that I didn't keep? More like what promises have I ever made to _you_?"

"Last week you promised to kill me, remember? Didn't follow through on that"

"What the hell? Did you want me to kill you? You stupid bint, I came here to drink, nothing else. It just slipped my mind that you work here, so bugger off and let me rest in peace!"

Buffy retreated a little, but didn't give up the fight. "Leave _you_ alone? It's all about you, isn't it? It's always about you because you don't give a shit about anyone else"

"Sod off! Look, I'm really sorry about today, what else do you want me to say? What else is there that I can possibly say that might make it any better?"

Buffy paused for a minute, he was right...there wasn't anything he could say that could change what happened or make it any better; there was nothing he could say to make up for trying to kill her. She really was very stupid, she knew that. She should be scared of Spike, panicked about what had happened, but instead here she was yelling at him again.

"I'm sorry..." She said it so quietly that Spike didn't catch it.

"You know what? I don't care. I tried to kill you but so what? You would have done the exact same thing if you'd gotten the chance. You threw me through a window, could've killed me then, couldn't ya, pet? Yesterday you set me on fire with my own sodding lighter, the day before that you deliberately knocked over the bottle in science and spilled that stuff on my arm. You didn't even know what that stuff did! Scarred my arm it did! How smart was that?" He was yelling at her and for once he hated himself for it.

"You filled a plastic container with leeches and put them in my locker, before that you put that fidgety-thing in my locker that exploded when I opened the door. How smart was _that_ genius?"

"It was your idea, I just had the guts to catch the leeches...what are we even doing? Leeches, fire, boyfriends, spray-paint..._vegetable soup food-fights_? Nothing could be worse than that"

Buffy felt her anger seem to slide away at the realisation that they were both just two really stupid children. "I wish I knew, I don't even remember why all this even started. One day I'm sitting at the back of the class as if I'm invisible to the whole world and the next thing I know, I'm booked in for detention four weeks in a row. We do_ not_ get along, it's a simple fact, but do we really have to destroy each other? I know I haven't slept properly in years"

"I sleep better than that...with enough alcohol. I could be classed as a drunk by now, it's the only thing that makes my head shut up long enough to get some peace"

"Only to wake up to a headache worse than the one you went to sleep with?" She quirked.

He looked down ashamedly. "Look, let's make a deal. We get through next week, graduate and then promise to never meet again; how's that?"

Buffy's improving nature went sour. "It would have to be the only thing we have ever agreed on"

"Well that and vegetable soup makes great ammo"

And then he heard her laugh for the first time in years, she had actually laughed at one of _his _jokes.

"Yeah, but that was really bad soup"

"Anything with 'vegetable' in it is really bad"

Then she smiled and all of a sudden he had a completely different idea about her, he suddenly wanted to see that smile every day. Her smile was so beautiful, she never smiled, not since eighth grade when he arrived at the school. He hated her, but he couldn't deny that she really was _beautiful_.

"What was that?" She asked.

Spike froze, had he said that out-loud? "Uh, your smile, you should smile more often"

She blushed. "Really?"

"Oh, of course, I mean all that scowling and glaring is giving you all these wrinkles"

Buffy slapped his arm, but it didn't hurt. She had hit him playfully, instead of violently for once. He couldn't help but laugh.

This was a precious moment, they had never talked so calmly before; they had never talked at all. Spike realised that he had always been so angry with her that he had never stopped and seen her as a person, and now as he gazed into her emerald eyes and admired her beautiful smile, he remembered the day all this had started.

'_It was his first day at the new school and already he was popular. Doyle, Clem and Gunn had only just met him but they were quickly becoming best mates. The four boys were hanging in the school yard when a group of girls of various ages passed by and sat down at one of the tables. One of the girls held her head high with pride, flicking her lovely, long blonde hair over her shoulder with such confidence; but she wasn't the one that had caught Spike's attention. At the back of the group was a shy, golden-haired beauty. Spike had never seen such a beautiful girl be so shy. He turned to his new friends and pointed the girl out._

"_Oh, that's Buffy, she's really pretty but really shy. She hardly says a word." Doyle explained._

"_Buffy huh? Well why don't we see if we can get the silent swan to speak, maybe see a smile"_

_Spike leaned down and nicked a stone up from the ground, he threw it at Buffy to get her attention; worked like a charm._

"_Hey! What was that for?" she asked, quite irritated._

"_Nothing, just wanted to hear you speak, luv." Spike replied._

"_What?"_

"_Can you smile too?"_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_I don't know, you tell me." He loved the look on her face, poor thing, she was so confused but so adorable. He couldn't help but smile at the kissable pout. Unfortunately, this made Buffy think he was taunting her._

"_Leave me alone," She demanded, going back to the book in her lap, but Spike wasn't finished, so he threw another stone. Buffy glared. "God, are you mentally challenged or something? Leave me alone!"_

"_Yikes, you're a little bitchy, aren't you? Why should I leave you alone when I'm having so much fun?"_

"_Would you grow up? I told you to piss off so piss off!"_

"_Whoa, semi-harsh language from Betty, can she bark to? Or does she purr?"His English accent would have made any other girl weak at the knees as he said that._

"_What the hell is that supposed to mean?"_

"_You know exactly what it means." He growled softly, and she threw a stone back at him._

"_Get a life, Freak!"_

"_Ouch, that hurt, say sorry or you won't get a cookie." He just loved her pouty face so much; he threw out the weirdest stuff he could think of just to keep her confused._

"_You are a really weird person, has anybody ever told you that or have you already scared everybody off?"_

"_You know, for a girl so shy, you possess quite a mouth; you're as mean as I am"_

"_You can't really blame me, not when _you're _the one throwing rocks at me"_

"_You threw one too, Betty"_

"_It's Buffy!"_

"_Like Elizabeth, right? I think I'll call you…Lizzy"_

"_God, just go away and find somebody else to annoy"_

"_I'm hurt Lizzy, really I am"_

"_God, stop pissing me off!"…_and so it had begun.

He had liked her from the beginning, but as things got worse and worse, the need for attention became nothing more than simple revenge. But right now, staring up at her face, he was only now regretting the last five years.

Buffy suddenly realised what they were doing and stopped leaning on the counter. "Um, so do you still want a drink?"

"Na, I think I'll just step outside for a smoke. Might pop in later but then again I might not"

"Well, my shift is nearly over so I'll be heading home. When I go out there my car had better still be in one piece"

"Don't worry, I've pulled your car apart at least twice, it's old"

"Three times actually, which is why I can't trust you." She smirked playfully.

"What, and pouring _bright pink paint_ over _my _car earns you the gold badge in that category?"

Buffy laughed, that had been one of her favourite tricks she had played on him.

"Don't you laugh! That was a bloody terrible paint job, cost me way too much money to get it fixed"

She only laughed harder, and the humour quickly became contagious.

They began to remember all the things they had done over the past five years and they could hardly believe that it had been them. Together, they had rewritten the book of misdemeanours, excelling past the level of high school pranks. Spike looked down, remembering all the anger and violence. They had put each other in the hospital far too many times; food poisoning, superglue, broken limbs …the list was endless.

He stood up and walked across to the door that led out back to the car park, waving a simple good-bye to Buffy before exiting the bar and entering the soft, indigo night that had quietly settled over the town.

**- Caritas – Parking Lot**

Standing in the shadows with his back against the building, Spike finished his third cigarette. He threw it down on the road and crushed it with the toe of his boot. Ready to head home, he put his hands in the pockets of his duster and took a step towards the street, and then stopped. Buffy had just walked out the front door, coming around the corner towards her car. Spike stepped back into the shadows and watched her.

She was wearing a short black skirt and a tight red tank top that was a little small, showing her navel. She had on heels and her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail; he thought she looked gorgeous. She stopped shortly to dig her keys out of her purse, she was about to get into her car when she was approached by a middle-aged, dark-haired man who had come from the bar; and he looked drunk.

Spike scowled at this sight, this guy meant trouble, he was certainly not just seeking her out to ask directions to the nearest petrol station. He tried to listen in to what was said, he wasn't going to let anything happen to Buffy, at least not the kind of things that happened between a short-tempered, hot barmaid and a drunk middle-aged man in a parking lot at one in the morning. He may have wished horrible things to happen to Buffy, but he had drawn a line. She was his to mess with and nobody else's.

"Hey sexy." The man was leaning on Buffy's car, standing way too close.

"Excuse me? Who the hell are you?" Buffy crossed her arms protectively and tried to hide the fear that was welling up inside her.

"Name's Cain and what's yours precious?"

"I don't think I want to say, and don't call me 'precious'"

"Can I call you 'baby'?"

"Please leave me alone." She tried to open her car door but the man held it shut.

"But you're such a pretty thing…so alone. Shouldn't I stick around to make sure nothing bad happens to you?"

"Something like you?"

"That's not nice"

"I can take care of myself." She tried to open her door again but he was only getting closer. He was bigger and definitely stronger than her, and that scared her. "Leave me alone"

"No." He grinned and brought a hand up to her face, his rough hands made her shiver with fear. She shoved him away and tried to run.

Cain grabbed her by the arm and pulled her between him and her car. Buffy tried to punch him, but he had a tight grip on both her wrists. He leaned forward, trying to kiss her. She tried to knee him in the groin but his weight had her whole body pinned down. Her heart pounded quickly and she found her fear overwhelming.

"Get off me! Let me go!" She yelled, but he wasn't listening.

He was so close now and for the first time in five years Buffy felt the sickening feeling of helplessness. His face was hidden in shadows and all she could really see were his cold, cruel eyes leering down at her. She tried to shrink away but she couldn't escape, she fought but he fought back. There was no way out, and she suddenly found herself wishing she _had _died earlier today.

**I will warn you that I don't think the next chapter will be up for awhile, I got lucky with this one and opened up the file to find it already half done. R&R, have a nice day.**


	3. Family Matters

Just when he was about to kiss her, someone punched Cain in the face and sent him hurdling to the ground. Buffy looked up and saw Spike standing by her side. He had saved her, where had he come from? And why had he done that for her when he made it so clear how much he wanted her to suffer? Cain stood up and glared at the platinum-blonde.

"What did you do that for?"

"She told you to leave her alone, you should have listened."

"What, is she your girl or something?"

"Or something."

"Huh, well I pity her, you don't look like much boy"

"Sod off man, go back to your beer"

Cain tried to swing a punch at Spike, but missed completely and fell face-first on the concrete. He stood up again and looked back at Spike and Buffy, before admitting defeat and walking back inside the bar. Spike turned to Buffy and looked her over, making sure she wasn't too shaken up. He inspected her wrists, holding them gently in his hands.

"You ok? He didn't hurt you, did he?"

She threw her arms back, snatching it from his gentle hold. "Why would you care if he did? You shoved me into a locker and tried to strangle me"

Spike looked horrified at her aggression to him after what he had just done. "Yeah, and you threw me through a window. So I get to hate you but do you really think I want you to get raped or murdered, pet?"

"Leave me alone." She wrapped her arms around her shoulders, closing herself off from him.

"Well, fine, don't say thank you, just spit it back in my face; you've done that today already as well"

"Leave me alone!" She shoved past him and hurried into her car.

Spike was pissed off, he had done something right for once and she didn't even have the decency to say thank you or even acknowledge what he did for her. He banged his fist down on the roof of the car and started walking away.

"I hope you crash into a tree, you ungrateful bitch! He yelled over his shoulder.

Buffy cringed, she hadn't meant to react like that. She had never felt so scared in her life, she was helpless, defenceless, and after those she only had one weapon left. When she felt out of control, all she had left to use was cruelty in an instinctual attempt to scare off whatever was making her feel that way; and since Cain had left before she could use it she ended up venting her fear onto Spike. She started her car and lined it up with the exit.

"Bitch!" She heard him yell again, and then she heard the crashing sound of a beer bottle being smashed on the road behind her.

She drove out onto the road and away from the bar as quickly as she could. Pretending she hadn't heard the sorrow in his voice, mixed with a regrettably familiar sound of anger. Spike stood alone in the dark parking lot. He felt a tear gather in the corner of his eye and he couldn't help but wonder why it was there. Why was he hurt by her words? He should have expected it, she hated him and he hated her, they were the darkness in each other's hearts…but it still hurt.

He didn't get it, he hated everything about her and yet he still cared what she thought of him. Damn, he was messed up. Anger was consuming him and he felt relief in snatching up glass bottles from the ground and throwing them in the direction of the exit, where her car had been only seconds ago. He stared scathingly at the shattered glass and wished he was looking at Buffy in a million pieces.

There was a curse between them, every time they met, violence and destruction followed. They were the evil in each other's lives, the black cat; the Devil. But even though he said he hated everything about her, he wasn't sure what 'everything' really was. Her looks he certainly didn't hate, no one could hate that glorious silken hair and those gem-coloured eyes. Her sense of style was eye-catching, she had a nice body and she was very clever and very nice; to everyone else.

But her temper had no limits, one false word and she had you in a death trap. Her cruel remarks and brutal insults, he knew them only too well. Also her ability to throw a perfectly good, not to mention brave, deed out the window like it meant nothing made his heart swell with rage. He just couldn't wait for the day that they would part and never see each other again, and he would never have to hear her demon of a curse be spit from her blood-thirsty lips again.

Spike looked up at the dark sky and decided it was finally time to go home, with any luck his parents would already be asleep and he wouldn't have to listen to his dad yelling at him once again; just like every night.

**-The Summers' Residence**

Buffy parked her car in the twin garage; her father was on a business trip so he wouldn't need this spot until next Friday. She turned off the ignition and removed her seatbelt. She **s**at still for awhile, trying to wrap her mind around what had happened tonight. She felt panic stir inside her and the next thing she knew, she was crying into her hands. She cried for only a few minutes before wiping away all the tears and checking her face in the mirror. Then she opened the car door but she still didn't get out just yet.

'_Maybe I should apologise to Spike, I was horrible to him. He was only looking out for me, but what does it matter anymore? The day has ended the way it began and it will be the same story for the rest of the term. I only have to put up with him for seven more days, that is unless I see him on the weekend, then I'm screwed' _she told herself.

Stepping onto the brick driveway, she made sure she locked her car before approaching the back door of the Summers' house. Everything was quiet inside; it usually was. Just like every night at 11:40pm Dawn was asleep, Joyce was sitting in the lounge room with a book and a cup of tea, and Buffy was coming home from work. Dropping her bag at the foot of the stairs, Buffy proceeded into the lounge room. The fire was lit inside the grey marble fireplace, playing as the only source of light in the dark house. Joyce showed no response when her eldest daughter sat on the double couch opposite her. Things were very quiet and uncomfortable, until finally Joyce pried her eyes away from her novel and scanned her daughter's appearance.

Buffy sat up straight with her hands folded neatly in her lap, but she didn't look at all proud or confident. Joyce shut her book and placed it on the mahogany coffee table beside her arm chair. Placing her reading glasses atop the book neatly, she sighed.

"So, how much money have you cost me today? And don't try to sugar-coat anything because you know as well as I do that Principal Snyder will be calling me at the end of the week to give me all the week's details"

Buffy hung her head, she had been hoping that the money she was earning and the amount of make-up covering her injuries were sugar-coat enough. "I threw him through a window…and dented a wall with his head"

"You did what?" Joyce suddenly stood up and towered over Buffy, who looked up quickly; there were already tears of fear and shame in her eyes.

"You threw William Rayne through a window?"

"…yes." Buffy croaked.

"What in God's name possessed you to do such a thing?"

"He shoved me into a locker and kicked me in the stomach"

"And so you threw him through a window?"

"…yes"

"Elizabeth Anne Summers! Why do you continue to disappoint me with your insidious behaviour? Do you not care for the damage you and that boy are tearing all around you?"

"I'm really sorry Mum"

"'_Sorry'_? 'Sorry'? 'Sorry' doesn't even begin to cover it! You have used him as a human dartboard, super-glued his hands together, vandalised his car _and_ school grounds! There is no end to this absurd hobby! Why couldn't you be more like your friends, or you little sister, or _her _friends? Instead you go about these violent matches and dangerous _pranks_! I put up with your crap when it started, I thought it was just a phase; you were simply making a point that you weren't to be messed with. But once you pulled that stupid stunt at his house in Grade 10 it became very clear that this wasn't going to end so soon"

Buffy tried to show her mother as much respect as she could, giving her full attention at all times. Her mother scared her more than Spike did, she was so much worse. She had once been the calmest, most loving mother ever, but after Buffy had been at war with Ethan Rayne's son for three years she snapped. Nothing Buffy did could impress Joyce anymore, she couldn't make her mother smile; and Joyce never comforted her as a mother should anymore. She had completely given up on her daughter. She had thought that maybe if she showed no interest in her than she might stop fighting and spend her time winning her mother's attention; but she had only gotten worse.

Tears streaked down Buffy's face, washing away the make-up and revealing the bruises on her cheeks and jaw.

"Buffy, this has to end! Your actions are inexcusable!"

Buffy suddenly stood, fighting back tears. "You don't even care what he does to me anymore! You know what he did to me today? He put his hand around my neck and tried to strangle me! I nearly choked to death today and you've got me sitting here listening to you insult and scold me about all the things _I've _done when he's the one who threw a math's book at my head, gave me food poisoning, poured bourbon on my head and broke my arm by dropping a brick on it! Do you even mind that he did all those things to me?"

Joyce was stunned, Buffy had never talked back to her before, and she had never told her the extent of William's actions. For some reason Buffy had always covered up or at least sugar-coated the things he did.

"Buffy, I do care, of course I care, but do you think I'm surprised? I cannot even begin to list the amount of times Ethan has called me to either apologise for his son's actions or discuss the damage you have caused. You two are Rosemary's children, you are little devils. How can I even think of defending you when you do the same if not worse things to him? I never say anything because there is nothing to say! I've already done everything I possibly can. The only reason that I haven't pulled you out of that school is because there is nowhere else to go and I don't have time to home school you," Joyce put her hand to her head, recognising the familiar headache that came from dealing with her daughter," Do you have any idea how much time and money you and William cost everyone? And by 'everyone' I mean Mr. and Mrs. Rayne, your father, Principal Snyder, the staff at Sunnydale High, the staff at Sunnydale Memorial Hospital and me!"

Buffy tried to shrink away as she sat back down, but the earth just wouldn't swallow her up when she wanted it to.

Joyce continued. "You have put a student in a coma! Do you remember her? Do you even visit her? Apologise to her parents or show any sign that you care about the fact that that poor girl may never wake up? You may have assigned her an early death because the hospital isn't going to keep her there her whole life. You may have killed a girl who did nothing wrong but try to stop your violent behaviour!"

Buffy cringed, she hadn't thought about Faith Wilkins in months. Faith had been a friend of both Buffy and Spike; one of the few. She loved being dark and exciting and had enjoyed the spat between her friends, _"Keeps things in this town interesting"_ she had once said. But when she realised that it was tearing the school apart, she tried to talk some sense into them. One day in August, when Spike and Buffy had started another of their fights, she tried to get in and separate them. The fight had ended when a miss-placed punch sent her flying into the wall. Everyone thought that she was simply knocked out, but when she never woke up the reality of the situation was realised. But the fighting didn't stop, instead the topic of Faith became a favourite tool in the battle.

"How could this have happened?" Her mother sighed, "How could my child have become such a horrible creature? You used to be so happy, always smiling and laughing, making everyone around you so proud. You made me so proud. But as wonderful as you were then is how bad you have become now, worse"

"I'm sorry Mum, I'm really, _really_ sorry." She was crying again.

"Buffy, I want you to promise me you won't touch William Rayne again, at least not until after you graduate. Once you're out in the world you can do whatever you want but please don't continue this riot, or you will destroy the night for everyone else. If I get one more phone call from Principal Snyder I will have to take drastic measures"

"And what will they be?" She wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"Hopefully you won't ever have to know"

Under her mother's icy stare, Buffy retreated upstairs to her room like a dog with its tail between its legs. Joyce fell back into her chair and held her head once again. If it wasn't for Dawn and her husband she would surely go insane. These headaches were becoming way too frequent.

Buffy ran into her room and shut the door. She collapsed onto her bed and let herself cry. She hated her life, there was nothing good in it anymore.

**-The Rayne's Household**

The door opened with a creak and Spike quietly snuck in and closed the door as carefully as he could, but somehow his father still heard him.

"William! Where have you been all night? Do you have any idea how scared your mother has been?" Ethan Rayne scolded his son from the lounge doorway.

"I was at _Caritas_, I didn't drink or anything, just talked to Buffy." _'Bugger.'_

"Buffy? You _talked_ to Elizabeth Summers? You can't stand to be in the same universe as her! So what did you do? You didn't tear her car apart _again?"_

"Ethan? Is William home?" The voice of Spike's mother drifted in from the drawing room.

The middle-aged woman walked out into the entrance hall brushing her blonde curls. She had on a red night gown and she looked rather strange without make-up. She looked her son up and down and shook her head.

"What did you do today? Did you get her to throw you into a lawnmower or did she run you over with her car; which I hope is still in one piece"

"Her car is fine and she threw me through a window if you must know!"

"Don't you _dare _take that tone with _me!_ Young man, I am sick of your games. We have had this conversation so many times that I hear it in my sleep"

"Look Mum, I'm really tired, it's really late and you've only got to put up with me for a few more days so can we please not do the 'Buffy' thing. And one more thing, my name is 'Spike'"

"I'll call you William because that is the name I gave you!"

"Whatever"

Spike turned his back on his parents and started up the stairs that were only a few feet from the door. His father called him back but since he called him 'William' Spike pretended not to hear him.

"Spike!"

He jumped down the stairs and looked happily at his dad. "Yeah Dad?"

"Why do you insist on being so rude to your mother and me? Why do you show us so much disrespect?"

"Because it's not like you care one way or another what happens to me. Buffy threw me through a sodding window today and you couldn't care less"

Spike's mother stopped and considered something. "Wait, if she threw you through a window…what did you do?"

"Well, I kicked her"

"I meant…after the window"

"Oh, I kicked a bunch of desks and trapped her against the wall. I heard her scream." He chuckled at the memory, he didn't know why he did…maybe he had had a drink or two. His parents of course were shocked at his humour on the subject.

"William Ethan Rayne! I don't want to hear another word, you have ruined that poor girl's life. Do you know what her mother is planning to do if you two can't stop fighting?" Ethan scolded.

Spike felt a little fear. "What?"

"She is going to kick her out and empty her trust fund. Leaving her alone on the street, now do you really want that to happen to her? Let me rephrase that, do you really want to cause that much damage in your life? To have ruined the lives of two young girls?"

"Look, that thing with Faith was a complete accident"

Ethan hit Spike across the face, shocking everyone. "You bastard, you almost killed a girl last month and again today. Do you understand how serious this is?"

"How did you know what happened today?"

"Buffy's mother just called me!"

Spike wanted to hide, or maybe fall down a hole. His father was the only person who could make him feel so small and childish, no matter how rude or cold he was; Ethan could always break him down. He hated him, but he would never harm him like he did Buffy.

"If you don't leave Elizabeth alone we will take the same action Mrs. Summers will." His mother was very serious about this.

Spike flew up the stairs, into his room and slammed the door so loud it made the house shake. Looking around at all the items of his life he let his anger take him over.

Downstairs, Ethan and his wife sat on the couch, holding each other's hands. Mrs. Rayne was in tears. "I don't think I can take any more of this." She admitted sadly.

"Shh, Anya darling, calm down. We only have just over a week left of this, and after five years I know we can make it through then"

"Ethan, our son is the devil incarnate. I fear for his life if we kick him onto the streets"

"He can take care of himself, he won't have the best future, but he will survive"

The two worn-out parents sat in each other's arms, trying to block out the sound of breaking glass and crashing boxes that was coming from their son's bedroom.

His window was in shatters, everything in his room was in pieces. Pencils, erasers, rulers and torn paper covered his floor. It looked like his room had fallen victim to an earthquake. Spike lay on his bed, staring aimlessly up at the ceiling. His leather duster was thrown on the end of his bed and his black T-shirt was on the floor. His family had plenty of money, as did Buffy's, and it was money that would secure their futures. But if it was taken away by their parents, they would be left for dead. It was next to impossible for either of them to get a job anywhere in this town anymore.

Why was his life so messed up? No matter where she was, she was buggering up his life. Why did she hate him so bad as to want his life to be hell? He never thought that after today he would want her dead again, but right now he wanted worse. He wished he had walked away in the parking lot and left her to deal with her own mess. Maybe then she wouldn't be able to make him feel so stupid. He suddenly realised he didn't care what his parents did, but screwing things up for Buffy would be absolutely delicious.

He jumped off his bed and searched his floor for a blank piece of paper and a pen. Once he found that, he sat at his desk and began making plans, he wanted something big, something incredible, something that only she would be blamed for.

**- Buffy's Bedroom**

Her tears had finally stopped, but she hadn't fallen asleep yet. Why did she keep screwing up her life? It was her fault, she had pushed the bar; she had encouraged him to go further. Why couldn't they keep away from each other? Hate was supposed to repel but to them it dragged them together. She had to stop, she couldn't let her mother do this, she had to make all this end. She had to talk to Spike and make him understand. They had done it before, spoken calmly, only once but it was enough. Tomorrow this would end.

**Now things start to get interesting, the next chapter is one of my favourites, it was probably the most fun to write. So what did you all think of this chapter?**


	4. No Take Backs

**- Sunnydale High – Car Park**

Roaring engines made the student car park of Sunnydale High a very unpleasant place to be in the early morning hours, but the fact that two particular students arrived at the same time each morning only made it worse.

A flash of metallic black sped past Buffy as she was getting out of her car. She hardly reacted to it though; a single step back was all that was required to avoid getting her foot run over by the same jerk that always tried to run her over. The black car screeched loudly, coming to a sudden halt in its favourite parking spot. With a creak the door swung open and slammed shut again. Spike leaned on the hood and lit a cigarette, ignoring the look he was getting from Buffy.

"Is it fun or just plain tradition to attempt to run me over every morning?"

Once the first word had been spoken, all the students who had previously been enjoying the day so far scattered like mice.

"It is amusing I must admit, you know me well enough to know I hate tradition." Spike took a swig of bourbon from his flask.

"I know you a hell of a lot better than I wish I did"

"Pity, 'cos really I'm a very nice guy"

"Spike, would you stop being such a jerk for ten minutes? I need to talk to you, calmly"

"Calmly? Can we do that?"

"We did last night"

"Right before I saved your worthless life and you threw it back in my face"

"Look, I'm sorry about that, I didn't mean to be so cruel"

"You still haven't said 'thanks' yet"

"Thank you for saving my life Spike"

"Wow, this must be some talk you want to have with me"

Buffy approached him cautiously, fiddling with her nails. "Spike, can we please stop this? I don't want to fight anymore"

Spike laughed. "You threw me through a window yesterday, I tried to strangle you, two years ago you tried to push me off a cliff and not so long ago you set me on fire. Do you actually believe we can possibly just put all that behind us and be friends?"

"Well, not friends, but…former-enemies, please Spike, I really don't want to fight anymore"

"And I know why. It's 'cos ya mum is going to kick you out if you do, kick you out on the street like a big dumb dog"

"How do you know about…"

"She told my parents who are gonna try it with me, but guess what, sweetheart? I don't care, just as long as I get to stick your face in the dirt I don't give a rat's arse what happens to me. You know, I should have left you with that guy last night, then maybe I wouldn't be facing the problem of staring at your face today"

Spike went to leave but Buffy stopped him. "Spike please, I'm really, really sorry about last night, please, I want this to end"

He watched a tear roll down her cheek. He saw the fear in her eyes. He wiped the tear away and leaned in closely. "Sorry princess, but words are useless to me. Nothing you say will change what you did or make it hurt any less. So _sorry _pet-" he moved even closer so that his breath tickled her skin, he grinned widely and whispered seductively in her ear, "-but your fears of living on the streets are the only thing you can bet your money on anymore. Well, that and I'll be there to see the whole beautiful picture; have myself a real good day"

He laughed lowly and moved just a little closer even though there was hardly any space between them. He placed his lips on her ear and breathed out. "I wanna see you cry, sweetheart"

Buffy felt sick. She watched him turn his back on her and stride into the school. "Spike! Please! I'm only asking for this one thing!" She yelled.

Spike didn't stop walking, he just laughed.

"Spike, please, please…please Spike…" she begged him even though he couldn't hear her anymore.

**- 1****st**** Period – History Class**

Trying her very best to ignore all the glares and pencils he was sending her way, Buffy felt like she was about to explode. Spike watched her from the back, far left corner of the classroom. He had his pencil case spilled onto his desk and he was sorting through all the stuff he didn't want and was going about disposing it all by throwing it at Buffy's head; hitting the bullseye every time. He was sitting sideways on his seat and he chuckled every time she swore.

The teacher was talking about God-knows-what, but regardless of how boring it was, Buffy was trying as hard as she could to keep up; but the bruise on her head was proving to be a problem. She turned around in her seat and pleaded quietly with Spike to leave her alone, but he showed no sign that he had heard her; continuing to look through her like she wasn't even there. Buffy's hand shot up when the teacher asked the class a question and she quickly realised that Spike had done the same thing; this was not going to end well.

The teacher looked terrified at both of them; they were the only ones with their hands up. She chose Spike first; Buffy looked to be in a much better mood which she had to admit was puzzling. She had of course noticed the flying objects directed at the poor girl throughout the class.

"Well, this guy sounds like he was blinded by jealousy but it was over his wife. He was having an affair with a much prettier woman which he said he loved. So why would he kill the guy over a simple peck on the lady's hand?" Spike questioned.

Buffy was very surprised. _'Wait, he was actually listening?'_

"Ok, that's a very good point. He was sleeping with another woman which, especially in those days, put everything he had worked for at risk." She pointed to Buffy.

"But he could have loved both of them, even though he was having an affair he might still have been in love with his wife. He killed the man not just to stop the problem before it began but also to punish his wife for daring to betray him"

The teacher was quite impressed with the level of attention they were paying. But when a scowl and a raised hand was presented in Spike's corner, she felt the fear return.

"He didn't love his wife, if he did then he wouldn't have cheated on her. Not to mention he left her and ran off with his lover with all their money, leaving her with nothing. Do you call that love?"

"Maybe he was just angry about being betrayed, no matter by whom. He only cared about the fact that she had dared to insult him in such a way in society than the idea of _her _with another man." Buffy argued.

"Well than how come he told her he loved her before he left, why would he have bothered if it wasn't true? He left her with no many and five children, that seems like a pretty shit thing to do to someone he loved"

Buffy giggled.

"What?"

"Did you realise that you just argued against your own comment and in the same paragraph?" She laughed again.

Spike hadn't realised his mistake and hated Buffy for embarrassing him.

The teacher took this moment to carry on with the lesson, pretending nothing had happened, hoping that Spike would do the same thing as it was clearly Buffy who had won this round; but he wasn't finished. Spike looked along the back row, there was only one other person sitting at the back. It was the shy brunette who had tripped in the corridor yesterday; she must be a new girl.

"Psst! Brunette chick?" He whispered, but she didn't respond. "New girl? Hey!" He waited until she looked over at him before telling her to get out of her seat. She must have recognised him from the corridor because she wasted no time in scooping up her things and running to the back of the class room. A little attention was caught at her sudden and curious actions. Suddenly, Spike shot his leg out like a bullet and kicked the desk beside his violently. It crashed into the next desk and pushed it into the next one, sending the rest of the row crashing into the wall. Screams echoed among the students, most of them had jumped out of their seats and were watching from the front of the class where they were hiding behind the teacher.

Buffy was breathing heavily from the shock and eyed Spike fearfully. Their eyes locked and he snickered, and then crossed his arms and cocked an eye brow. He was waiting for her to make her move. No one spoke for a long time, they were all waiting to see what she would do. For the first time in years she had control over what happened next; what happened to her future. Everyone, including Spike, were stunned and amazed when Buffy turned around, sat back down in her chair and looked patiently at the teacher. Spike really didn't think she had that kind of self control.

When Willow was sure that it was safe, she ran to the back wall and over to the shaking girl who was huddled in the corner; holding her books to her chest.

"Are you ok? You're not hurt are you?"

"No, I'm ok, I'm fine; just a little shaken up. There were four desks and four chairs and if each has four legs and a top then that's 8x4 which is 32+5 and that's 37. If I hadn't listened to the boy when he told me to move, there would have been 37 pieces of wood crushing me against the wall. It's ok to be shaken up over that, right?"

Willow was lost for words, this girl was more of a nerd than she was and she loved her already. "Um, yeah, it's fine. You'll be fine, just try and stay clear of that guy, ok?"

"Oh, ok"

She had a Mexican accent and she was very beautiful even with her glasses on. Willow wondered how she could have possibly missed this girl, why had she been sitting at the back of the class anyway?

Buffy tried to keep her cool, she was surprised herself at how easily she had rejected his challenge. She knew it was only the beginning but it was enough to give her new confidence in herself. She could do this, she could quit; it was hard and with Spike on the other side it was going to get a lot harder, but she could make it through the rest of the term. It was only eight days away, that was only just over a week, one single week.

**- Throughout the Day**

Once Spike had realised how difficult his mission was going to be, he started using everything he could come up with:

Sand in her hair, dirt in her lunch, insects squashed in her school books on multiple pages, texta and paint on her clothes and even a bucket of water on her head…and she didn't snap once!

**- After School – The Summers' House**

That day when Buffy got home from school her mother was waiting for her at the back door. Buffy was scared at first, she looked like a paint bomb had been dropped on her.

"My goodness Elizabeth, what in the world did you possibly do to look like this? Why are you grinning?"

"I didn't do anything Mum, this is everything Spike did to me when he realised I wasn't going to fight back, but Mum, _I _didn't do anything. I didn't hit him once or attack him or throw anything. I sat in my chair and ignored him for the whole damn day"

Joyce was thrilled and, regardless of the fact that her daughter was dripping wet, gave her a big hug; the first in a very long time.

"Thank you Buffy, thank you so much!"

Buffy was close to tears. Their hug ended after Joyce remembered that her daughter was soaking wet. "Thanks Mum, but please don't praise me yet, can we wait until after I stop looking so ridiculous?"

Joyce chuckled, making Buffy glow with pride.

She walked inside and was very careful of how she went.

**- 7 Days Later **_**(1 Day 'Till Graduation) **_**– Caritas**

It was only hours until graduation day and he had failed to make Buffy attack him even once, her mind was completely set on not getting in trouble at all and it was beginning to tick him off. Sitting at the bar with a drink in hand, Spike thought over the past week. He had done everything he could possibly think of but nothing had worked. Unfortunately, all his attempts to get Buffy in trouble had only resulted in getting him into worse trouble. His parents were going through with their threat. After graduation day he was on his own, or so they thought. He had made sure he had all their account details, so he could take that money whenever he needed it; he wasn't going to let them get away with that.

The money that his parents had taken out of his trust fund had been funnelled into the family account which was used on food and bills. Spike had the pin and security number; he could live out of that account. But it didn't stop the fact that his parents were kicking him out, it could really bring you down.

Buffy was thrilled, in a few hours she would no longer be a student at Sunnydale High and, as promised, she would never again have to cross paths with Spike. Things were really looking up, especially with her acceptance letter from UC Sunnydale, the local university. She wiped the counter down one last time before preparing to head home. Just as she was about to enter the back room, she spotted Spike sitting at the end of the bar, twirling a half-full glass in his hands.

Almost skipping over to the bleach-blonde, Buffy leaned against the counter and smiled. "Rough day?" She asked cheerfully.

"Sod off Buffy, just leave me alone"

"Leave you alone, huh? That's what I've been telling you to do all week"

"Look, you win ok? I'm getting kicked out on my ass and you're not. So go be chipper somewhere else"

"You know you really can't blame me, you are the one who has been trying everything to piss me off for the last week. It's all on you…I also have to say that you've been trying a little too hard, those last few pranks were kind of lame"

"God, just let it go, please. Tomorrow we graduate and go our completely separate paths"

"Awe, promise?"

"It'll be the only promise I'll ever keep to you"

Spike didn't even smirk or grin, nothing to indicate that he had one more thing up his sleeve and there was no way she could possibly just walk away from it. Buffy watched Spike stand up and walk away, not looking back at all; not once. Now, in high school boys were always hard to figure out, you never really could tell if the reason a boy was always throwing pencils at your head was because he liked you and wanted your attention or because he was simply a mean kid and you just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

But Spike, he was unpredictable, cruel, unforgiving most of the time and got shitty when she didn't respond to his games. For a moment last Wednesday, when he had made her laugh she thought that maybe he did like her a little, but after tonight she was stumped. It was clear he didn't want anything to do with her anymore. Sighing loudly, Buffy turned around and walked happily into the back room, missing the look one of the guys in the bar had given her.

**Next up, graduation, let's see what Spike has got planned.**


	5. Graduation or Expulsion?

**- Graduation Day – School Yard**

He had been waiting all day to see her just so he could make some snide remark about her hair or clothes. He had previously been set on ignoring her all day and start practising forgetting her but after he noticed she hadn't been in any of her classes that morning, he had become very curious. Spike was lying on a table with his hands tucked under his head, waiting to hear her familiar stomp in her step. He knew all her sounds and secrets; the scrape of her shoes, the clicking of her nails when she was bored, the rhythm of her breathing when she was scared; he knew her so well.

It was now 4th period and she was still yet to be seen. Spike knew he was supposed to be in class right now, but as it was graduation day the only thing anyone was doing was playing hangman and scategories. Uh ha, there it was. Spike opened his eyes and sat up when he heard those familiar shoes scraping along the concrete, but what he saw was very different from the happy little Buffy puppy he had seen last night.

Her arms were crossed protectively over her chest, her shoulders were hunched, her face was low and she was doing the walk of shame.

"Hey there sleepy head, where have you been all day?" He tried to sound like he wasn't affected by her lack of self-esteem.

"Spike, I am only going to tell you this one more time, please…leave…me…ALONE!

It was so sudden that Spike fell off the table. The strange thing was that his fall, from her point of view anyway, had looked very funny. But she didn't laugh at him, not even a grin, in fact she didn't even look at him. She just walked away and left him there. _'Whoa, what's her problem? I don't think I've ever seen her so jumpy before'._

For the rest of the day, Buffy didn't say a single word, not to anyone. Even Willow just got a shake of the head when she asked what was wrong. Spike thought for a moment that it might have something to do with her mother; she hadn't been well for a while now, she was always getting bad headaches. He decided to leave her alone, she wasn't going to talk so why waste his time? Anyway, he had a few last minute things to do before the graduation ceremony.

**- School Gym **_**(30 Minutes until Graduation Begins)**_

Everything was ready, all the chairs were set up with each student's name posted on it with a yellow Post-It and they were all the exact same distance apart. Everything was perfect, nothing was going to ruin this ceremony, not even those two meddlesome kids. Snyder stood at the front of the gym, admiring his organisation. Buffy had been seated at one side of the room Spike was at the other. Doyle was next to Spike and was closely surrounded by Willow, Oz, Fred and Wesley.

Winifred was very new but she was so smart that she managed to complete all the work required to graduate in half the time the other students had, so she would be graduating today as well. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce was an old friend of Doyle's and he had taken quite a liking to Fred and had taken upon himself to take care of her in this battlefield of a school yard. Oz was Willow's boyfriend and Snyder had never seen a couple deeper in love; it made him sick.

Principal Snyder rubbed his hands together, he was looking forward to kicking another year of kids out of his school; he really hated kids. The gym door opened and the first lot of students began filing inside wearing maroon graduation attire. He jumped with surprise, he hadn't noticed the last half hour of quiet bliss wander away; it was time to take charge. He watched Spike walk in and prop himself down lazily in his assigned seat. The parents were suddenly there and before he knew it the gym was packed full. It was only at the last minute that he noticed that Buffy wasn't sitting where she was supposed to be, but he had seen her name on the seat. _'Someone had swapped her seat with Harmony Kendall's, this can only mean trouble.'_ It was too late to do anything about it now, but he just couldn't understand how this could have happened, he himself had been guarding the gym the whole day. He had been standing right outside the only entrance.

No matter, it was time to begin…

Spike was completely bored out of his mind, they had listened to the student leaders, a few of the teachers, not to mention Mayor Richard Wilkins the 3rd, do a whole speech on civic pride and something to do with fighting inner demons…or maybe it was essays. Spike only tried to listen to him out of respect for his daughter, Faith. Yep, Faith, the girl he put in a coma, was the only daughter of the Mayor of Sunnydale.

After the mayor had said his part, Principal Snyder had a speech of his own, and then more students got up to say random stuff that didn't interest him one bit. All the while, Spike sat slumped n his chair staring at the ceiling. _'God this is boring, where is the tea and scones?' _ he thought mockingly. Even though he was English himself, he never gave up the chance to make fun of the Brits.

He emptied the contents of his pockets onto his lap, he looked down excitedly at the small pile of stones he had collected before the ceremony and briefly gazed at the floor board that sat a few feet away from him.

"Now, as you know the reason we are all in here is because it is raining outside, as this is the last part of the ceremony we thought we should remind you all of the weather…spit out that gum." Snyder commanded, looking directly at Percy.

Taking a stone from his lap, he eyed Buffy in her miss-directed seat and threw it at her shoulder; bullseye. She ignored him however, not even bothering to glare. But after about seven more at her head, she twisted around and gave him a look so cold that he shivered. But nothing was going to stop this, it was going to be big, awesome, the biggest trick he had ever played. He watched as Willow was called up to the small stage to accept her certificate for graduating, and then Harmony, some Cordelia chick and a guy named Liam, who went by the name Angel. _'What a poofter.'_ Then it was Buffy's turn.

A glorious smile graced her lips as she stood up out of her chair and walked victoriously up to collect her certificate. When she was seated back down, Wesley went up. After a few more people had received their graduation certificates, it was Spike's turn. He stood up and walked casually up to Snyder, he took the rolled up paper and hit the button concealed under the bow of the ribbon. Without warning, something came shooting out of the floor near Spike. It hit the roof and broke in two, releasing a few strokes of fire just under the ceiling. The pieces fell to the floor where they set off an explosion that shook everyone in the first row out of their seats and crashing into the other rows. The floor caught fire and screaming and panic erupted throughout the once quiet room, and then it was raining.

The minor embers that had touched the roof had set off the fire alarm and had turned all the sprinklers on. Buffy was on her knees, covering her head with her hands as the water from the sprinklers made the device short-circuit and send off two or three after-shocks. She looked up and saw Spike on the ground clutching his arm that had been injured by the fall and the collapsed chairs. He looked at her and swore.

"What the hell Buffy? Have you completely lost your mind? Were you actually trying to kill me? Or just everyone else you stupid bint?" His yelling caught _everyone's _attention.

Buffy was horrified, Spike had thought this one through and it was working. He was blaming the whole thing on her and by the looks of things everyone was believing his lie. She got to her feet and looked around. Furious glares and scowls were coming from every direction, shaking heads followed her eyes; even Willow was angry. Snyder approached her, handed her certificate to her, which had been thrown from her hand when she fell, and threw the other one to Spike, which had suffered the same fate. Spike stood next to Buffy as she watched the anger in her mother's eyes.

"Leave my school…now," he looked like he might explode with rage, "and _NEVER COME BACK!_"

Spike and Buffy fled the building like mice from a cat. Outside, they flew through the doors and ran out into the blistering rain. Buffy got halfway across the football field when she tripped and fell to her hands and knees. Spike stopped running and walked cautiously back to her. She was devastated, sobbing uncontrollably, the rain mixing with her tears. "You BASTARD! Why couldn't you just leave well enough ALONE? Why did you have to do this to me?"

"You deserve it bitch, what did you think was going to happen?"

"God, I wish you had just killed me when you had the chance..."

"What?" He certainly hadn't been expecting that.

"Why didn't you kill me? I'm out on the streets now Spike! I have no food, no money, no home and nowhere to go. You might as well have signed my death certificate yourself! Are you happy? Are you finally happy now?"

She leapt up and ran away, disappearing in the rain and darkness. Spike stood still for a long time, he was too shocked to move. He hadn't thought about life on the streets, he hadn't needed to. He had never stopped to think about what life would be for her. He wanted her dead, but not like this, not this slow, painful way.

**- That Night - The Summers' House**

Buffy sat, crying, on the floor of her bedroom while her mother snatched everything in sight and stuffed it all into a gym bag. She dropped the bag at Buffy's feet and pointed to the door. Buffy grabbed her bag and dashed out of her room, down the stairs and onto the front porch. She stopped before running out into the rain and turned back to try and plead with her mother once again, but Joyce never gave her the chance to speak as she took one last look at Buffy and closed the door.

**- The Rayne's Household**

Spike already had his bag packed, he slung the strap over his shoulder and almost made it out the door.

"William, you do know that this is your doing?" His father told him.

"Bye Dad, se ya Mum, I hope you both live happy healthy lives-"

"Son?"

"- before you get run over by a bus, or crash your stupid flashy cars into a brick wall. Have a nice life." Then he was gone.

_**Now, I know this chapter was kinda short, but it is the best place to end it before going on into the next stage of the story.**_


	6. Asking The Enemy For Shelter

_**I am so sorry it took me so long, but there is this thing called spring cleaning and once we started in my room I couldn't find a damn thing. The rough copy of this book has been missing and then I lost interest in fanfiction. Now I'm going into Year 11 this year and the non-stop questions about my future, but I will make sure this story is finished before I graduate. So here is the anticpated sixth chapter and thank all of you who reviewed this story during my time away, it inspired me to continue. Enjoy!**_

**- Thirteen Months Later – Sunnydale Shelter**

Anne had been working all day, there were just too many kids on the streets. When she was about to close the double doors of the homeless shelter, a girl, hardly younger than herself, hurried towards her through the rain.

"Buffy, I'm afraid you're too late, we're completely full up." Anne explained, she hated telling people that they couldn't come in, especially when she was the one who owned the shelter.

"Damn, it's ok, I'll find somewhere won't I? It's just so cold and wet tonight"

"I know, I'm sorry, but you caught us on a very full day; everyone is trying to escape the coming winter"

"I understand, don't worry about it. I have a friend or two I can stay with; can I use your phone though? I don't have any money for a pay phone"

"Of course, come in and go into my office, the phone is in there"

Buffy clutched her gym bag tightly and hurried in out of the rain. There was an unbelievable amount of kids in the large, empty room.

"Where have they all come from? I didn't know there were even this many kids in the town let alone on the street"

"A lot of them have come down from L.A. because there is too many of them there and a lot can't get anywhere to stay 'cos the shelters are all full and because of all the violence. It's a nasty winter out there; most of them will probably go back in the spring but…most of them don't have anything left to go back to"

Buffy cringed, 'violence' was one of the words she hated hearing, anything that reminded her of the life she used to have, the reason she was on the streets. All her efforts of being a non-violent person had meant nothing in the end.

Anne led Buffy over into her office which was just left of the front door. Inside was a desk, lots of cabinets and in the right corner a bed that Anne would sleep in if she was up so late into the night that it would be simply easier to just stay the night. Buffy had used it once or twice as she and Anne were old friends.

Buffy found the phone under a pile of papers; Anne was always so busy. She shifted through the numbers in her head, looking for the correct one. She dialled the number and listened to fours rings before the mobile phone was answered.

"_Hello, who is this?"_

"Willow? It's Buffy, how are you?"

"_Buffy! Oh my god, I can't believe it's you! I haven't heard from you since graduation"_

"I know, I'm sorry but after my parents took my money I couldn't pay for the credit so I had a mobile phone that was completely useless. I never thought I'd hear myself say that"

_Willow laughed. "So how are things? You got a flat or something? Everything is ok right?"_

"No Will, I don't, actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about. The shelter is full and it's really cold and wet tonight, I was wondering if I could spend the night at your place? I know it's a lot to ask but I'm really low on choices right now"

"_Oh, Buffy, I'm afraid you can't. I'm not living in Sunnydale anymore, I'm travelling around California with Oz and his band. I'm really sorry, but I'm about three days away, there isn't much I can do. I am really sorry"_

"No, it's ok, I still have a few other options. Talk to you when I can"

"_Ok, bye Buffy"_

"See ya Will"

She hung up the phone and sighed, just her luck. Willow had been her best chance. Who else was there who didn't hate her for one reason or another? Willow had said she was with Oz and his band, which meant that Wesley, Gunn and Fred were out of the question as well being part of Oz's band. Doyle was nice enough but she didn't have a clue where he was; he could be in India for all she knew. She had no choice, she would have to go home, she might die if she didn't get inside somewhere warm before the end of the night.

At the front door, Buffy waved goodbye to Anne and pulled her black leather coat tightly around her, then she ran out into the rain. Making her way through the icy night, everything she had left behind replayed over in her head. She remembered all the times her mother had smiled or laughed at something she did, the time they had all gone as a family down to the lake and Dawn had nearly fallen in when she had been chasing the ducks. She remembered laughing at all the pranks Spike had fallen for with her friends because back then, it was only a game. Then darker times slipped into her mind; fighting with Spike, getting in trouble with Principal Snyder and her mother…and then came the memories of her graduation.

She tried to block them out, ignoring the nagging feeling that was telling her that this was a bad idea. Approaching the Summers' house, she ran to the porch and took in a deep breath, then knocked lightly on the door. Not a single noise came from inside the house, the door opened cautiously to reveal a young 13 year old girl with long brown hair. She took one look at her big sister and scowled.

"Dawn, is mum there?" Buffy asked quietly.

"What do you want? You're not welcome here"

"Dawn…please just get mum, I need to talk to her"

"She doesn't want to talk to you so go away!"

"Dawn, who is it?" Joyce appeared beside her younger daughter and froze. "Buffy…"

"Mum, can I please come in? I know I'm the last person you want to see but I really need somewhere to stay tonight, just this one time, please." She pleaded.

"You need to go, please leave. Don't…I told you not to come back, so please go away and don't come back"

"But mum…"

Joyce closed the door.

Joyce sat in her chair and looked at her hands. It had been the hardest thing she had ever done, kicking her eldest daughter onto the street, and seeing her again in such a state burned a hole in her heart where it had just begun to heal. Dawn tried her best to comfort her mother but she knew that it wasn't going to be easy as ice-cream and chocolate. She hated her sister for doing this to their mother, she was glad she had gone.

Buffy gaped at the closed door, she hadn't been counting on the better alternative, but she still couldn't believe her mother had refused her shelter. She ran back out into the rain; maybe if she ran around long enough she might see somewhere she could stay while keeping herself somewhat warm at the same time. But after a few long, torturous hours it was clear that she was done for. Beginning to admit defeat, she sat down in an alley, hiding from the rain. She was tired and weak and losing her grip.

A blanket of ice cold navy covered the sky, too many clouds for stars. It seemed the rain would never stop, maybe it never would. If it got any colder it would be snowing. Then it did get colder, but not quite snow-cold.

Hail pattered down on roofs and rubbish bins, it drummed a song but no one was listening.

Charging through the battering hail stones, Buffy was desperate for shelter. She continued to run, not knowing where she was going she hardly noticed the address she had found herself at when she ducked down next to a fence. It had to be sometime around midnight by then and the owner of the house was still awake; a light still on in the lounge room window.

Buffy suddenly recognised the house; she had been here before, she had seen him walk inside, unlocking the front door with his own keys and leaving his car in the drive way; no other person in sight.

A strike of hope entered her but she didn't move. She couldn't ask _him _for shelter, why on earth would he say 'yes'? He hated her guts, he was the one that had given her this life…but didn't that mean he owed her? Why would he care? She didn't believe he had changed enough to give a damn about anyone but himself.

About to discard the idea and run away, a single sound stopped her in her tracks. A clicking noise, the kind that comes from country boots; he was here.

Buffy bolted for the door, not caring anymore about who lay inside. She had to get inside, or he would have her again. Nothing was worse than that, not even staying with Spike.

**- Inside Spike's House**

He flicked through every channel; there was nothing good on TV tonight at all. Spike was pissed off, he had paid good money for cable and he had been deeply disappointed; TV wasn't really his thing. There was a knock at the door, _'well who could that be? It's half past midnight' _he thought, turning off the wide-screen LCD and getting up off the couch. He didn't have many guesses as to who it could be but the last person he would have ever thought to be knocking on his door was who it turned out to be.

"Buffy?" He gasped.

Spike was completely stunned, he hadn't stopped thinking about her, and she was always on his mind. He regretted what he had done but never thought he would get the chance to apologise. Yet here she was…it was her…wasn't it?

The girl he remembered was tanned and happy…sometimes… and beautiful. The girl he saw now was a ghost. Pale, exhausted, dripping wet and so very upset; not to mention worryingly thin. Buffy had a leather coat that she was tugging around her small frame, she was holding onto an old gym bag and she was soaked from head to toe. Her glistening blonde curls were now dirty, splattered in twisted strands over her face, only just revealing her eyes…her eyes…they couldn't be Buffy's. Buffy had bright emerald eyes, but this girl had pale green orbs that were almost dead; lost of hope and happiness and above all completely terrified. Spike found himself unable to look away from the fear in her eyes; she was petrified.

"Spike…I need somewhere to stay for the night, please may I stay with you?" Her voice was quiet and scratchy, her mouth was dry.

"I…I, um…" He tried to say something, but his inability to speak made her start crying.

"Please, please Spike…I'm desperate. Please let my stay, I'll be gone in the morning. I'm begging you." The longer she looked up into his blue eyes, the more she knew what his answer would be…_he _would surely get to her again tonight if she didn't die from the cold. _'Please say yes, please say yes…please…please…'_


	7. Will You Forgive Me

"_**Please, please Spike…I'm desperate. Please let my stay, I'll be gone in the morning. I'm begging you." The longer she looked up into his blue eyes, the more she knew what his answer would be…he would surely get to her again tonight if she didn't die from the cold. 'Please say yes, please say yes…please…please…'**_

Spike didn't know what to do, he could see how truly desperate she was and wondered why she needed help from him of all people so badly. He ran his hand through his messy blonde hair and down his thin face. The one thing he noticed above everything else was that she kept looking over her shoulder every couple of seconds. Finally he regained control over himself.

"Yes, of course, come in"

Buffy was surprised indeed but never the less hurried in out of the rain and hail. Once she was inside, Spike closed the door and leaned his head against it. _'Oh God, oh God, oh God…what have I done? What have I done to her? How could I do this?'_ He repeated over and over again in his head, he snapped out of it quickly though.

Buffy was standing in the middle of the entrance hall; her bag on the floor and her thin, shaking figure standing still. The first floor of the house was like a square box with a wall through the middle and another wall cutting the left half of that. The entrance hall stretched from the front of the house to the back. There was a staircase built against the outer wall and behind it was a tall bookshelf. The floor was dark wood with a thick varnish over the top making it shiny and reflective.

Neither of them said a word and it became so quiet that Spike was able to hear drops of water as they fell from Buffy's coat and spilled onto the floor. He walked over to her and clasped the sides of her coat from the back. She whipped around, sending him a horrified look.

"What are you doing?" She asked shakily.

Spike paused. "I was just going to take your coat off, it's soaking wet"

Buffy looked embarrassed and withdrawn. "Sorry…"

She let him take her coat and hang it on the coat stand by the door. He noticed that once he was over by the door she had turned her back again. This puzzled him a little but he didn't have time to read into it. He rushed upstairs and came back down with two of the softest towels he owned, both red, and put one of them over Buffy's shoulders; not missing the way she flinched at his touch.

He had also brought down a large blanket which he put over the top of the towel, but she was still shivering. So he guided her to the left into the lounge room to sit by the open fire. The TV was built onto the wall above the white and black marble fire place. In front of the window on the opposite wall was a large, dark-brown three-seater couch.

In front of that was a very simple coffee table and underneath all of that was the softest carpet money could buy. It was like a huge white mink blanket.

Spike stopped Buffy before she stepped onto the carpet, indicating for her to remove her shoes. She did so and tried to dry herself off as best she could, not wanting to anger Spike by making his carpet wet; but he only seemed to care about how wet and muddy her shoes were and paid no attention to how wet she was probably going to make the floor.

She let him take her over to the fire place and sit her down. He pushed the coffee table out of the way to make room for her and he stoked up the fire. Crackling from the burning wood was the only sound between them for a long time, the only thing that was breaking the cold silence. Buffy was curled up into a ball in the towel and blanket, watching the fire with slight content. Spike sat beside her with his arms resting on his knees; he couldn't stop looking at her.

"Um, Buffy"

She didn't move.

He took a deep breath, it probably wasn't the best time to start apologising to her but with her in his presence it was eating away at him, along with seeing her so scared and tired.

"Buffy, I wanted to tell you that…I am _so _very sorry for what I did. I didn't see the damage I was doing, and I…I'm just really, _really_ sorry"

He heard what he thought was a hiccup but was actually a whimper. She squeezed her eyes shut and cried, soon turning into a sob. She couldn't stop herself, she was finally calm and now everything was coming to the surface. Spike listened to her short breaths and saw tears spilling down her face. He wasn't really sure what to do; he pattered her back softly and nervously, trying to comfort her but he knew she needed more. The thing keeping him from taking her in his arms and calming her was the fear of her not wanting _him _to and punching him in the face or pushing him away.

But as her cries continued he realised that he didn't care. He put his arms around her and pulled her into a hug. Unlike his assumed reaction, she buried herself in his arms. Running his hand through her dripping wet hair, he rocked her back and forth until the crying subsided and he heard her quiet breathing; she was asleep.

He laid her down gently, taking the pillow on the couch and putting it under her head as he laid her on the floor. He knew it would be alright for her to sleep there, he had slept on this mink-like floor before and it was much better than the couch. He took the other towel sitting beside him and sat behind her sleeping form. He spotted her hairbrush poking out of the top of her bag, he tucked the extra towel under her hair and began brushing it gently, taking a wisp of hair at a time and running it through the brush allowing the water to fall onto the towel.

She didn't make a sound, not a single murmur. Spike found himself loving this, he wasn't sure why, he had always hated her presence before and yet desired it at the same time.

Even though she was thin as a rake and her hair was mangled and unkempt, he still thought she was beautiful. He came to the conclusion that she would always be beautiful no matter what she looked like. But regardless how beautiful she may be, this image of her was breaking his heart. Was it possible that through all the hatred and violence…he cared about her in some way? He definitely cared now but was it simply out of guilt or sympathy…he didn't know.

It was long into the early morning hours when Spike had finished drying Buffy's hair, he had moved up onto the couch and sat watching her until she woke sometime around ten.

It was a strange feeling that filled her, one of familiarity that combined with a sense of unfamiliarity. Where she was sleeping was strange and new but the smells were comforting and the same. But these were scents that had left her life over a year ago; smoke, leather, hair gel and Spike. Her eyes flung open, staring at the dead fire. Where was she with Spike and why was she here?

"Buffy, are you awake, pet?" It was Spike, she recognised that English accent, but she couldn't remember the events of last night.

"Spike?"

"Yeah?" He seemed eager to talk to her, that wasn't right.

She rolled over to face him. "Where am I?"

Spike frowned. "You're at my place love, you came over last night asking for shelter, remember?"

"Kinda." She vaguely remembered standing outside his door. "Why did you let me in?"

Spike paused. "It was freezing cold and hailing; you looked like you weren't gonna make it through the night. What was I supposed to do, leave you out there?"

Buffy looked down, ashamed. Spike was hurt.

"That's what you thought I was gonna do, wasn't it?"

She nodded.

"It's fair, after the way I treated you in high school it wouldn't surprise me"

Buffy flinched, memories of their last conversation haunted her mind.

"Who was following you?"

"What?" She panicked.

"Was there somebody following you last night? You kept looking over your shoulder"

"Oh, no nothing, no one was following me. I don't want to talk about it"

"So there is something to talk about then? Who was it Buffy?"

"Nothing, leave me alone!"

She jumped off the floor and ran into the entrance hall. Spike ran after her, finding her squished in the corner with her back to him.

"Shit, Buffy I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that, I don't have the right to ask anything from you"

He was begging forgiveness from her, and it was all a little strange.

"You're right, you shouldn't have asked me anything. I told you to leave me alone"

"I'm sorry Buffy, please forgive me, I'm sorry"

He slowly placed his hand on her shoulder; she flinched but didn't shy away from his warm touch. She slowly turned to face him, still curled up. Silence settled between them, she wasn't sure if he was asking forgiveness for pushing for an answer or for everything else. After a few minutes she realised he was asking for both.

"I'll forgive you this time, but I'm not ready to let go of everything else"

He nodded lightly, understanding entirely what she meant; even he didn't forgive himself for all that. He held out his hand and she nervously took it, he led her into the kitchen and sat her down at the small table on one of only two stools. He could easily see she was starving, so he asked her what she would like for breakfast, and she answered with, "Anything."

Spike prepared bacon and eggs for both of them, praying for words to enter his mind. He wasn't enjoying the silence and by the number of times that Buffy shuffled on her seat he could tell that she was just as uncomfortable as he was. It wasn't like they could chat about good old times at high school; there weren't any between them. But then what? They couldn't talk about how their lives were now because it was pretty clear that neither of them had much good to say, apart from having a house to live in and food to eat, Spike's life was almost as lonely and upsetting as hers seemed to be.

Buffy fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, she had never liked the quiet, it reminded her too much of the Summers' house after her first few detentions. But she had nothing to say to Spike, all he had ever brought out in her was anger. She couldn't afford for him to kick her out, this was her only shelter. Wait, she had promised him that she would be gone by morning, did he want her to leave? He was making her breakfast which generally said 'stay' but was he just being a good host? She didn't know.

Placing the full plate in front of Buffy, Spike grabbed the other one and sat with her at the small table. They ate in silence and within minutes Buffy had completely cleaned her plate; not a scrap left behind. Spike took their plates and put them in the sink; he would wash them later. Looking back at Buffy he realised that she was wearing the same wrinkled, dirty clothes that she had been wearing out in the storm last night.

He took her upstairs into his bedroom. The upstairs part of the house had a lot of free room, apparently he hadn't quite decided what to do with the other rooms yet, all there was up here was the master bedroom and an en-suite bathroom that were being used right now. Inside Spike's bedroom there was very little. A nice dark wood wardrobe stood proudly on one side of the room and on the other was a lovely king-size bed with black and red sheets and pillows.

Spike headed for the wardrobe and opened the doors, he started digging through a box sitting on the bottom shelf. He picked out a few things such as a black lacy skivvy and a deep red skirt that went down to the floor and placed them on the end of the bed.

"These belonged to my ex, she left them behind and never came back for them or any of the other stuff sitting in that box and after so much time I really don't think she plans on ever coming back for it. This is probably the least suggestive thing she owns so you can wear those while we put your clothes in the wash. Unless you have something else in that bag of yours to wear"

Buffy smiled shyly. "I do, but it all needs washing too"

"That's fine, you just change into those clothes and dump everything you want washed on the end of the bed. The bathroom is in there"

He pointed to a door next to the one that led to the hallway.

"OK, thanks Spike"

"Don't mention it"

He went to walk out but she stopped him. "No Spike, _thank you_"

Smiling back at her, Spike left her to change.

Buffy's smile didn't fade until he was out of sight. She picked up the rather creepy looking clothing and went into the bathroom to change.

**- Later That Day – Lounge Room**

A book, that's what Buffy was spending her time doing, reading a book. He had a wide screen TV with cable, a surround sound stereo system and a whole DVD collection and she had decided to spend her first relaxing day reading a book. The Buffy he used to know wouldn't pick up a book if her life depended on it, she preferred the internet to any old book. It was really weird to see her sitting there with her nose stuck in one, he just had to adapt to the fact that she was a terribly different person now.

He wondered if he should mention something about it, but why bother? It wasn't that important, but he just wanted to talk to her; about anything. Why was it so difficult to come up with a simple conversation topic. He did have something to tell her about tomorrow but it wasn't really a conversation; oh well, might as well start there. Previously standing in the hall watching Buffy on the couch, Spike took a deep breath and went to sit down next to her.

Snap! She shut the book the moment she saw him, then proceeded to show him her full attention.

"Um, Buffy, tomorrow I have to go to work, from 9:30 to 2, that leaves you alone for four and half hours. I thought we should go over what you were gonna do now"

Buffy's face sunk. "I have to leave don't I? I knew it, I said I'd be gone by the morning but then I got distracted"

"No, no, you don't have to leave, you can stay as long as you like"

"That's really nice of you, but I really should go and get out of the way"

She stood, prepared to leave right there and then, having completely forgotten about her washing.

Spike stood also. "Wait, you think you're in the way? And did you just say I was nice?"

Buffy blushed. "Was that not a good thing to say?"

"No, it's fine, I never thought I'd hear that coming from you," he smiled, "and you're not in the way, in fact it's nice having someone else here, even if most of the time is spent in awkward silence"

A smile slid along her lips too. "You're not just saying that?"

He sighed. "If you go out there again what have you got? Where are you going to stay tonight or tomorrow? You can stay right here, if you want"

"Really?"

"Would I lie to you?" He paused. "Ok, wrong question. Would I lie to you _now_?"

"I don't know, I don't know you anymore. You've changed a lot"

"And you haven't?"

"How have I changed?"

"You were reading a book"

Spike chuckled and Buffy grinned. "Well I got kicked out, I didn't have cable and whose fault was that?" Her tone was playful to begin with.

"You threw me through a window, and set me on fire"

"Does that really sit on the same level as ruining my life forever?"

"I got kicked out too you know, I was just prepared"

"I didn't need to be prepared! I wasn't going to get booted until you tried to set the school gym on fire!"

Neither noticed how loud their voices were getting.

"It was never gonna set anything on fire, it was just a light show"

"That exploded? You call _that _a light show? You could have hurt someone! You could have hurt yourself!"

"And why would you care?"

"Ever since you tried to strangle me I haven't cared!"

"And what do you know, we're back to that. Which comes back to the sodding window!"

"A broken window equals murder? You kicked a bunch of desks at me and laughed, I was so hurt I could barely move and you just stood there and laughed at me"

"Well you've tried to kill me on more than one occasion!"

"And you haven't?"

"I never hurt anyone besides you!"

"And who did I hurt?"

"You put Faith in a bloody coma!"

Silence. Buffy was hurt, embarrassed and upset.

"Oh god Buffy, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it"

"Don't lie to me, not after all this time…don't lie to me anymore"

"I really am sorry"

"Stop apologising, by the time you say 'sorry' enough times to make up for all the things you've done, it won't even be a word anymore"

Suddenly Buffy came to the conclusion that it all had been her fault. She ran for the door, wanting to escape the guilt but Spike caught her arm.

"Buffy, what are you-"

"Let me go, please don't make me stay…I don't…"

"What is it?"

"It's me! You were right, you've always been right. It _is _my fault, if I hadn't thrown you through that window then you wouldn't have taken it that far and if I hadn't started the fight that day Faith would be alright"

"You don't know that for sure, you don't know any of that. Buffy, it was going to happen sooner or later, it nearly already did. I kicked you in the stomach, remember? That could have caused damage inside that could have killed you anyway"

"Stop defending me, why are you defending me?"

"I just think that you have enough on your plate, you don't need all this extra guilt with you too"

"Why are you doing this? You hate me, I hate you…so why are you doing all this?"

"Just give me a chance to help, please"

She looked down. "Are you telling me you want to help so you can make up for what you did? You're trying to get my forgiveness?"

"Is it working?"

She smiled a little. "Maybe, a little. But no bribing, you have all this money, it's not fair"

"Gotcha, no bribing"

Her smile grew. Their eyes met and for a long time they just stood there, matching each other's smiles. The anger had passed and they were at an understanding, all either of them wanted was forgiveness and it was starting to look like that was possible; for the first time in their lives it was possible.

**Ok, admittedly not my best chapter, but I do love what I did with the first part. What do you guys think?**


	8. I Will Protect You

**_This re-upload has nothing new, just fixed some spelling mistakes and the like._**

Spike and Buffy were sprawled along the couch and floor, laughing about all the crazy things they had done. Buffy was back in her own clothes, blue jeans and a red tank top, and was lying on her front on the couch with her chin resting on her crossed arms. She was looking down at Spike who was lying on his back on the floor beside the couch with his hands tucked under his head. He had had a shower and had changed into one of his favourite black T-shirts, to which Buffy didn't seem to argue with. He had one knee propped up and was subconsciously stroking the side of the couch with his foot, edging closer and closer to Buffy.

"How about that time we went on that camp near the cliff"

Spike sighed. "I remember that cliff, we weren't supposed to be there but we were anyway. You tried to push me off after I insulted you"

Buffy laughed. "You said something about some sort of animal"

"Was it a dog?"

"No, you didn't start calling me a bitch until later…a worm or a…snake! That's what you called me, a snake"

"Why not, you did bite me and you were definitely poisonous"

"Ha, ha, very funny"

"Wasn't as funny as that time with your boyfriend"

"You evil little leech! I hate you for that." But she was laughing and blushing too much to be angry.

"That was fun"

"Shut up"

"That was bloody priceless, I wish I had a camera"

"You did! That was part of the stunt"

"Don't blame it all on me, Doyle was part of it too"

"What did Doyle do?"

"Someone had to be the camera-man"

"You little devil!"

"You love it, come on"

"Well you certainly made life interesting…"

"In more ways than one"

"Bugger off!"

"That's my word"

"I can use it too." She said matter-of-factly.

"Fine. God I loved that stunt!"

"Why? Because you made my boyfriend dump me or because you got to kiss me?"

He paused for a moment. "Would it be wrong if I said both?"

She blushed, a little surprised.

"It was pretty fun; kissing you in the hallway, snapping the photo and watching Riley crack the shits when he saw the picture on the bulletin board"

"That was mean"

"Oh come on, he was a bloody wanker, we both know you could have done so much better than that poofter"

Buffy thought for a second, maybe he was a little right.

"God you're right about that, do I know how to pick 'em or what"

"Yeah I have to agree with you there, what were you thinking? Scott Hope? Total pansy, and that Parker guy, what was going through your mind when you dated him?"

"Oh please can we so not bring up Parker, that guy was such a loser"

"You're the one who went out with him. You know Scott said you were gay"

"What? I dated that ringworm!"

"Turns out he was the gay one all along"

"Now I'm traumatised and embarrassed"

"Traumatised?"

"You try living on the streets for over a year"

"Sorry"

"Forget it, I'm trying to"

He smiled, then heard a knock at the door.

Spike got himself off the floor but stopped Buffy before she could follow him. "Just stay down." He told her and she did so.

Opening the door, a strange man was standing on the doorstep. "I was looking for a friend, a young woman with blonde hair. I think she came here last night, name's Buffy"

Spike stopped, this guy couldn't be as friendly as he seemed, Buffy hadn't told anyone she was coming here. He tried to look into the lounge room to see Buffy's reaction to the man but couldn't quite see her face.

"Give me a second." He told the man.

Spike walked closer to Buffy and saw the same fear and panic he had seen last night. He clapped his hands loudly and yelled, "Get off the couch!" While adding a wink to Buffy.

Going back to the door he said, "Sorry, dog's not allowed on the couch, sneaky little bugger"

His cover had worked, by the look on the man's face he didn't suspect that Buffy was hiding around the corner.

"Yeah so um, Buffy…yeah, that girl came here last night, she needed somewhere to stay-"

'_What is he doing? Why is he doing this? He winked at me, was that a miss direction or something?'_ Buffy thought frantically.

"-but she left this morning. I don't know where she went, didn't say. Guess she didn't wanna stick around, not a stranger-person"

'_Oh thank god'_

"Oh well, thanks for your time and thanks for looking after her, nice of you"

"Just trying to help, well goodbye, hope you find her"

He waved goodbye and the man walked away. Closing the door Spike returned to the lounge room where Buffy leapt up and hugged him. "Thank you Spike, thank you"

"Whoa easy, you didn't think I was gonna rat on you just like that did ya?"

"Um…well…"

"You have really low expectations of me don't you? Don't worry, I deserve it"

"I'm sorry"

"Never mind, so who was that guy?"

"What? Um, he…I have a lot of enemies"

"You didn't answer the question"

"He's one of my enemies"

"Buffy, you were scared to death, just like last night"

"No stop it! You said you would leave it alone!"

"What are you.._that _was the guy? He was the one who was following you last night? That guy was chasing you wasn't he?"

"Spike stop it! Please…"

Buffy began to breakdown, but things were spinning too much in Spike's head to realise.

"I know that guy, I know I've seen him before, but where? Wait, wasn't he at Carit…oh my god"

He was frozen in horror, the guy he had just seen was the same guy who had been trying to get into Buffy's pants that night in the Caritas car park.

"He was there the night before graduation, I saw him at the pool table. That's when I argued with you and left, wasn't it?"

"Spike, please don't…"

"I left and he…that's why you weren't talking to anyone on graduation day, he got you didn't he? And it was my fault 'cos I wasn't there to stop him that time. That's why you were so angry with me and all the weird behaviour that day. Buffy -"

"Please Spike…stop it!" She was hugging herself tightly, tight enough to stop herself from being able to breathe. "Shut up! Just shut up!"

Spike dropped to the floor in front of her and grabbed her shoulders to stop her from shaking and rocking as violently as she was. "Buffy, look at me, I need you to tell me…that night at Caritas…did he rape you?"

Buffy froze. She lifted her head and looked him in the eye, hers flooded with tears, she opened her mouth and whispered. "Not just that night"

Spike gaped, completely shocked, almost unable to speak. He was filled with an overwhelming sense of guilt and disgust. He looked back at Buffy to see her curled up painfully, her forehead was nearly hitting the floor as she rocked back and forth, distraught. Spike put his arms around her and pulled her into a tight embrace, holding her head against his chest and holding her by the shoulder; he was a little surprised when she grabbed onto him and held him like a lifeline as if her very life depended on holding on to him.

"Shh, it's ok Buffy, it's gonna be ok now, I'm not gonna let him get anywhere near you ever again. Don't worry, I'll protect you, I'm gonna take care of you. He won't lay another hand on you, he'll never touch you again…I promise, I mean it this time"

Buffy buried herself in his arms, allowing her tears to soak his shirt. She didn't think she could really believe him, but she did. She had no choice but to depend on him. Living in fear had become natural to her, always running from the fear that had eclipsed her mind and heart since that night. She had never told anyone until now, she thought she was to blame in some way. Never expecting to escape him, just the thought, had almost driven her insane. But hearing Spike's promise to her made her feel safe for the first time in over a year, ever since she had first tried to fight him off and had discovered he was too strong to fight, causing her to lose all her self confidence she had developed while fighting Spike. But Spike was strong enough to fight him, he was the last person left in her life, the only one who could defend her now.

Never in a million years had she ever thought she would ever need to depend on him, Spike, and yet here she was being protected and taken care of. He really had changed; but she couldn't trust him, at least not yet.


	9. Mending Broken Bridges

**_Wow, I know it has been a long time and I am truly sorry, the long wait for this chapter has been the fault of the fact that I have been trying to not be so obsessed with Buffy for a while. I know, its a crime, but there comes a point where you can't let one tv show rule your whole life...plus I've fallen in love with Castle. *runs for shelter*_**

After Buffy had finished crying, Spike lightly kissed the top of her head and made a few more shushing noises. They were still wrapped around each other on the floor where Buffy had broken down. Spike looked at the sky through the window and he could see from the blazing strokes of orange that it wasn't long until nightfall. He looked down at Buffy hovering in his hold and smiled sadly.

"Hey Buffy, are you hungry?"

Buffy had been feeling very ok in his arms and didn't want him to leave, but she really was hungry. Getting up so late had resulted in forgetting lunch. "Yeah, a little"

He smiled, he knew what she really meant. "How about I order some pizza? We could watch a movie if you like"

Buffy smiled, he knew how much she loved pizza; everyone did. "Ok, I'd like that"

Spike stood up, bringing Buffy with him before he released her from his hold. "Your clothes are in the dryer; you can change into your pyjamas and curl up on the couch while I call dinner"

"Aren't you going to change too? Into your pjs?"

"Don't have any"

Her cheeks went red.

"I'll see you in a bit"

She tried to hide her embarrassment. "Ok"

He smiled and walked into the kitchen where the phone was.

Later, they were both on the couch watching _'Loony Tunes Back In Action'_ as Buffy had insisted on a comedy. Spike was fine with that choice, having feared she would pick some sappy romantic thing like 'Notebook' or something, even though he didn't have any movies like that…he really didn't.

The moment Buffy laughed he was captivated. She was wearing a pair of black pyjama pants and a brown T-shirt, her hair was tied back in a loose pony-tail and she was sitting cross-legged on the couch; and she looked a little tense.

"Hey, you ok?"

"What?" Her complete attention had been focused on the movie.

"You seem rather tense"

"Yeah, my back aches a little, it's nothing really"

Spike smirked, catching her off guard. He pointed to the floor in front of him. "Come here"

"What? Why?"

He repeated the action. "Come here, I won't hurt ya"

Buffy nervously got off the couch and sat down in front of Spike.

She folded her legs up and tucked them underneath her. Spike moved his legs so that they were either side of Buffy, then he placed his hands gently on her shoulders. Digging his thumbs into her back carefully, he rubbed his fingers back and forth over her shoulder blades. He smiled when he heard her release a quiet hum of pleasure.

The movie and the half-eaten pizza in its box were completely forgotten. Buffy closed her eyes and set her mind to enjoying the feel of Spike's hands massaging her shoulders. Her sounds of contentment soon became a purring noise.

A smirk crossed Spike's lips. "So we finally find out; you don't bark, you purr"

"Shut up Spike." Buffy said drowsily, which only made him laugh.

The feeling of his hands hurt a little on her aching back but it relaxed her in such a way that she didn't care. She couldn't find a single thing about this new Spike that she didn't love. Once the fighting and desire for revenge had faded away with the time, all the good qualities they possessed were coming to the surface. She felt like she could trust him, she didn't but she felt like she could and that alone put her mind at ease.

When she had first appeared on his doorstep, she had wanted nothing more than a single night of shelter; she had expected less. But Spike had been so willing to let her in and look after her that a glimpse of hope had grown inside her. Hope for her future. Spike had all this money, maybe he could help her get a job, get her started on rebuilding her life. She didn't want to assume anything, but she had this feeling that she didn't have to worry anymore, that he would take care of her. She felt a little stupid, she had only known this new Spike for a day but the feeling was so strong that she simply knew that she was going to be alright now.

Spike on the other hand didn't have to guess or suspect, he had made a promise to her that he intended to keep. He didn't care what had happened in the past, the only thing that mattered was the future; Buffy's future. He didn't really understand why she mattered so much, he certainly wasn't the charity type. Maybe this had nothing to do with charity, maybe he just wanted her around.

When the movie ended, their attention was drawn to the time. Spike thought quickly; Buffy couldn't sleep on the floor again, as soft as it was, and the couch wasn't designed to be slept on.

"Hey Buffy, why don't you sleep in my bed tonight? I can sleep down here, sorry I don't have a guest room; I should remember to build one, got plenty of room upstairs"

"You're building this place?"

"Yeah, explains why it's so damn simple"

"I like it." She smiled.

"Thanks"

"But wait, you're willing to give up your bed to me so you can sleep on the couch? I'm the guest, aren't I supposed to sleep here?"

"Normally, but the bed is more comfy and to be honest I spend most of my nights on this thing anyway. Plus, you can sleep in tomorrow when I go to work and I won't wake you while I'm in the kitchen"

"Fair enough I suppose"

Spike smiled. "Well, off you go, you know where the room is"

Buffy stood up carefully, trying not to throw off the relaxing feeling in her back, and headed for the stairs. Spike watched her go, admiring her grace. He should be careful, maybe he was falling for her.

'_Bollocks! I'm not in love with her, I hated her, I tried to kill her. There is no way that just because I feel sorry for her and am letting her stay in my house that I should be in love with her. That's ridiculous!'_ But somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered how true those words really were.

**- The Next Morning**

Bang! Crash! _"Shit!"_

Buffy was very much awake, out of bed, hiding in the corner of the staircase that twisted around and trying not to be heard laughing at Spike's feeble attempt to get out of the house without a sound. He had bumped into the wall, knocked the coffee table and hit his foot on the leg of a chair in the kitchen. Buffy meanwhile had been giggling uncontrollably on the staircase, covering her hand over her mouth to muffle the noise. Spike and his British curses; she wouldn't have missed this for the world.

At last, Spike entered the hallway, sneaking quietly to the door he stopped to look up the stairs to check if Buffy was still asleep…only she wasn't.

He straightened up and frowned when he heard the incessant giggling coming from the banister. "Buffy, are you awake?"

She laughed a little louder. "It's impossible to sleep with you banging into everything that crosses your path. Good thing you don't have a cat"

"Hmm, sorry, didn't mean to wake you pet"

"Don't be, that was the funniest thing I've ever heard"

He raised one brow. "Nice to know my injured toe and bruised knee amuse you so"

"Sorry"

"You should be, that hurt"

Buffy couldn't help but smile again. Spike was happy he had been able to make her smile and laugh, even if it was at his cost. He had rarely made her laugh, at least when it was on good terms for the both of them. But he couldn't stay here and watch her smile, the clock was ticking and he had a job to get to.

"See you later, remember not to open the door for anyone while I'm gone"

"I'm not 6 years old"

"Really? Judging by the pitch in your laugh, that's hard to believe"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like"

"Well, I suppose it is better coming from me because if you sounded like a 6 year old when you laugh, that would be a problem"

"I hate you." He said in a mocking voice, with a little grin to go with it.

"Aww, I hate you too, now get to work before you get fired"

"Sleep well"

"Without you in the house, I believe I will sleep very well"

"I'm gonna get you for that, just you wait." But the grin on his face told her otherwise.

Spike opened the front door and waved goodbye before leaving. Buffy listened to the sound of his car pulling out of the driveway, and once she was sure he was gone she stood up and went back up to bed. A day of rest was just what she needed.

**- Sometime Later In the Day**

Buffy had been sleeping quite contently when a loud knock at the front door woke her with a start. She tried to ignore it but after the forth knock, curiosity got the better of her. Walking quietly down the stairs, Buffy wondered if maybe it was Spike; he might have forgotten his keys. There was another, rather furious knock and suddenly her mind flashed to an image of her stalker outside the door.

"Oi, Spike! Would you get this door open? My arms are killing me!" A voice shouted from the other side of the door.

Buffy sighed in relief, she would know that voice anywhere. She opened the door and saw someone carrying two large boxes; the one on top obscuring his face.

"Doyle, it's you, I haven't seen you in ages"

"And you still can't see me now, and what are you going on about? I came over just a week ago. Anyway can you help me with these boxes, I really can't see where I'm going"

Buffy took the top box and allowed Doyle to walk in and put the other box down by the staircase. He breathed out heavily and turned around to greet Spike, only to see Buffy standing there instead, putting the box she was holding on the floor and closing the door.

"Oh my god...Buffy, is that really you?"

"Hi Doyle"

"What are you-why-how come you're here? At Spike's house?"

"I'm kinda staying here for a while"

"You did hear the part where I said '_Spike's_ house' right? You and Spike don't mix well, you two are like graduation day. No, not 'like', you two _were _graduation day. That bomb or whatever..."

"Yeah I know, I was there. Well I was in a bit of a tight spot and Spike is helping me out"

"Yeah, I can see that"

Buffy frowned, so Doyle indicated to her pjs. Her arms wrapped around her chest swiftly. "Oh, no not like _that_, god no! Why would you-no, just no!"

"Sorry, I assumed as it's obvious that you've been sleeping in his bed"

Buffy stuttered, clearly embarrassed. "Wh-why is th-that obvious?"

"Well there's no bed made up on the couch. Whenever someone stays over they always sleep on the couch, unless you're sleeping with him like his ex was"

"Oh, well um, he slept on the couch, uh Spike did-Spike slept on the couch"

Doyle raised his eye brows. "_Spike_ slept on _that _couch? He hates sleeping on couches. So tell me what makes you so special? Last I heard you were on the streets, weren't you?"

Like a lightning bolt, her head shot up. Had Spike told him? Or did the whole graduating year know? Or did the whole town know? "It was his fault, so I guess he felt guilty or something"

"Either that or he really cares about you, which I admit sounds really weird"

"What? Why would you think that?"

"After you ran off after graduation, he couldn't get you off his mind. He was always thinking about you even when he was drinking, and that came from thinking about you too much. He was wrapped up in guilt"

"He...he was drinking?" For some reason that worried her.

"Yeah, then he got his act together and bought all this"

Buffy looked down at the box she had helped Doyle with, and once again curiosity got the best of her as she kneeled down to open the box. Inside were possibly a hundred DVDs, completely random genres and the like but in bulk.

Buffy looked up at Doyle with a glare akin to that of a disappointed school teacher. "What are these? Are these Pirated? Are you selling fake DVDS?"

"What? No, they're not copied, they're all real. I work at a video store and occasionally we do a clean out of some of the double-ups that people don't watch anymore. They just take up space on the shelves and with new movies coming out every couple of months it can get really crowded on those shelves. My boss lets us keep a few...or a lot...and I bring them over to see if Spike wants any of them"

Buffy could see the truth in his words, having witnessed herself how much was thrown out in Sunnydale from stores just like the video store. She was about to offer Doyle something to drink when the front door opened with a mild bang.

"Buffy, I thought I told you not to open the door for anyone." Spike looked really pissed. He turned briefly to Doyle – "Hey man" – and then back to Buffy.

"He was carrying heavy boxes, how could he have possibly gotten inside if I hadn't helped him?"

"He could have waited in the car until I got home or he could have just left." He turned to Doyle again – "No offense intended" – and back once again to Buffy. "When you said you weren't a 6 year old I believed you, turns out that was a bad judge of character"

"It was Doyle, Spike! He isn't a threat so why leave him outside the door where he might trip and hurt himself? He couldn't see where he was going"

"How did you know it was Doyle? It could have been anyone, I do have enemies other than you"

"So now I'm your enemy?"

"That's not-you were my enemy, not anymore but you know that was not the point I was trying to make"

Doyle could see he wasn't required for this argument. "I'll just get myself a drink then, you got some beer in the fridge?"

Spike didn't turn away from Buffy this time. "Yeah, second shelf"

Doyle left the room as fast as he could.

"I heard his voice, anyway, how many of your 'other' enemies make house calls?"

"That's not the point, Buffy. High school was over a long time ago, people have changed since then. Doyle could have become an axe-wielding murderer"

Doyle re-entered the room carrying a bottle of Wild Turkey. "Always nice to know what you think of me"

"No offense"

"Oh, none taken, good taste in drink by the way"

Buffy didn't want to be arguing in front of Doyle, so she did the only thing she could think of to end it. "We'll talk later ok"

"Fine, but we _will _talk"

Doyle leaned back against the wall and waited for one of the house hosts to announce what was going to happen now. Buffy stood still for a moment longer before walking swiftly upstairs, deciding to go back to bed and stay out of Spike's way until they had both cooled down a bit.

Watching her walk away made him feel so guilty. He had been a little harsh, she was a grown woman with a nasty punch but he had good reason to worry about her. What if it had been that guy who was after her? He never would have forgiven himself if she had gotten hurt. He knew he was treading on thin ice here, caring about the same girl he had destroyed; he had to treat his second chance with her carefully.

She never left his thoughts as he apologised to Doyle, who oddly enough wasn't even fazed by their little outburst, and picked out a few DVDs from his collection. After Doyle had gone, Spike spent a few hours walking aimlessly around the first floor of his house. Maybe he should apologise to Buffy, explain why he was so upset. Or maybe he could make it up to her somehow; now there was an idea.

**- Upstairs in Spike's Bedroom**

Buffy was lying on top of the covers, she wasn't really that tired. She wondered if maybe she should go down stairs, it had been something like three hours since the argument and she really couldn't hide up here forever.

'_Knock, knock'_, he decided not to answer. She wasn't really angry anymore, she just didn't feel like talking. She had her back to the door when she heard the door open anyway.

"Buffy? Do you mind if I come in?"

"Your house, your room; your rules"

Spike felt a pang of guilt. "Um, I was wondering if you'd like to go out tonight? You know, see a movie, go for a walk, get out of the house for a bit. You've been here all day"

"Really?"

He felt suddenly hopeful. "Yeah, we could get some dinner, walk around and just...talk"

Buffy hid her smile. "Ok, I'll take a shower and get dressed"

Spike however couldn't hide his smile. "Great! Towels are under the stairs. I'll get changed in the bathroom downstairs"

"There's a downstairs bathroom?"

"Yeah, it's hidden behind the staircase"

Spike exited the room, leaving Buffy with a bigger smile on her face.

Spike had put on one of his favourite black T-shirts, a blue shirt over that and his trademark leather duster to top it off. Black Doc Martins added to his beloved punk look; but tonight he had a bit of class. He was standing at the bottom of the staircase awaiting Buffy's appearance, and when she came down the stairs he was totally speechless.

A black halter dress, black heels that were good for long walks and the sleeves pushed up to her elbows. Her golden tresses were tied back and pieces of twisted hair fell down the sides, framing her beautiful face. She didn't have any make-up on except for a light touch of pink lipstick and gloss.

Spike was completely taken back; she was stunning. The dress belonged to Drusilla, his ex, but it looked so much better on Buffy than it ever had on Dru.

Finishing her grand descend down the staircase, she smiled shyly at the look of awe on Spike's face. Apparently she was the most gorgeous thing he'd ever seen. She couldn't decide whether that was a good thing or whether it was just sad.

"You, uh...ready to go?" He asked.

"Yes, lead the way"

Spike held out his arm and she happily linked hers with it. The plan was to walk to the square where _everything _was. A random movie would be chosen and later forgotten, dinner at the _Bronze _and maybe a dance or two, then to finish the night off, a walk in the cool night air on the way home.

Walking carefully down the steps outside the front door, Buffy and Spike were graced with strokes of crimson sunlight. As they strode along the path their feet were buried in golden leaves. Autumn was almost past and now every road was neatly decorated with orange leaves. A warm breeze flew through Buffy's hair, spirals of blonde hair swished about on her shoulders. Once again Spike was mesmerised. She took his breath away, he couldn't believe how long he had been immune to her spell.

Buffy knew Spike was staring at her but she pretended not to notice, if she even glanced at his face she would be caught under the power of his cerulean eyes. However, the silly grin on her lips gave her away.

"Hey pet?"

She fell for it, under the gaze of those blue eyes she shyly spoke. "Yeah?"

"Do you want to skip the movie and go straight to the _Bronze_?"

Her smile widened. "Ok, sounds like fun"

"Perfect"

The idea of the night was to get out and have some fun, but in actual fact anyone could plainly see it was a date.

Lights stretched high into the darkening sky above the roof of the local club. A tall, muscular man stood guard outside the thick metal doors. Spike and Buffy walked in, arm in arm, steadily emerging with grace from the shadows into the coloured lights. There was a live band playing tonight, the theme was either 'sad and single' or 'romantic', it really depended on which way you heard the song; the music or the lyrics.

Grabbing a table in a cove, Spike pulled out a chair for Buffy. She sat down elegantly and Spike took his seat opposite hers. The _Bronze _wasn't the best dinner option but it was the most familiar building to the students in the town and to everyone who had graduated here. Everyone spent their teenage lives here; it was the only cool place to hang.

Spike ordered an onion flower and Buffy just asked for a glass of water. She wasn't very hungry right now; her belly was full of butterflies. She couldn't shake the feeling that tonight would end badly. Something was telling her that something was going to go wrong...really wrong.

**_Ok, so I decided this was the best place to end it for now, the next chapter has some fun in it but there are a few things I need to fix, I wrote this one part that is crucial to Buffy's psychological development in the story (yes, I am taking psych) but the scene just seems really stupid somehow, so bear with me while I make it worth your while._**


End file.
